Naomi returns...

Yes, my wonderful darling of the south finally makes her gallant PPV return to the squalor and stench of Merseyside! She's currently in birmingham as we speak, getting closer and closer to ME. Poor thing. But seriously, you'll be lucky to meet her if you stumble across us in town tomorrow daytime, or if you're going to Andy's party tomorrow night. If your answer to both scenario's is no, then sucks to be you.

Me, i'm looking to make this the BEST get together we've had since being with eachother. It'll be 9 months together come Sunday. And i'm SO looking forward to being in her arms for it. :)

I shouldn't be feeling fed up at this time of year, but I have my reasons. And yes, I AM allowed to wallow in self-pity. :P It can feel very good depending on the circumstances and at this time it's FULLY justified.

Anyways, i'm off to a pub tonight. Yes, a 'pub'. God knows why i've decided to subject myself to such a torturous dividend but there ya go. I'm going. Maybe i'm going round the bend... or up the creek. One of the two possibly. Anywho, it will at least be real nice to see some of the peeps who will be there like Kate and Jenny Anne, and Pete, and then there's the ones who you simply wouldn't want to see even if you thought you were the only person left on the planet and thought there was never going to be another person to talk to. So to speak.

Anyways, enough of my Ebenezering, I hope you all have a wonderful christmas, that you all get what you wanted, and that you get to kick jolly ol' St. Nick up the arse.

Merry Christmas. :)

Things i'm Loving:

1. The American Office
2. Pure apple juice
3. Sleep
4. Christmas present surprises
5. Polo's

Things that need to die:

1. The Catherine Tate Show (and Catherine Tate for that matter)
2. Little Britain (which is a shame cos' I really like Matt Lucas and David Walliams, but my god is their writing piss-poor)
3. Annoying customers
4. Buying Christmas presents
5. Onions

Things i've noticed...

1. The number 2 in the 20th Century Fox logo is VERY all over the place before it finally swings around for its final shot. Just watch it, there's something VERY odd looking about that 2, until the camera pan ends. You'll see...

2.Thursday Night Shopping. Something tells me that EVERYONE out there picks the only night of the week available for shopping to do their own, because it's unbelievably the busiest time of the week for us in Music Zone. Even busier than Saturday. What are these morons thinking??? "Oh, it's a late night so hardly anyone else will be going either." Times this train of thought by 50'000, and you've just about got the number of sheep who are milling round town at 7:30pm of a Thursday night, trying to buy the new 'Brian Little' DVD for their little un's, who are about 10 years old and shouldn't be watching anything of the sort.

3. Scallies have a lot of homosexuality in them themselves. That can be the only reason why they're so afraid of homosexuals, and so easily willing to take the piss out of the whole gay culture. I'm telling ya, Baz, Gaz, and Tez the scallies are ALL raving shirt-lifters, who REALLY want to take that final shot from the rough and get to biting some pillows. Fucking wannabe gobshites.

4. Girls DO masturbate. A girl in our work thinks it's a minority who do; WTF!?! This lady also thinks porn is disgusting and should be made illegal. Why not just ban videogames that portray violence, music video's that have an opinion; no, ARTISTS who have an opinion. meanwhile we'll close down every Ann Summers store, every Adult shop, and destroy the adult section of every multimedia outlet, all which are just trying to make a living by selling goods to a market which WILL and WANTS to buy them from them.

Lads, if you want to find out if a girl masturbates, just ask her. To see them say 'no' quicker than Road Runner sprinting away from Wily Coyote is a hilarious moment. This may also be accompanied by them turning their face away, an embarrassed smile or a pair of red cheeks. Before they dash off home to diddle themselves to any guy but their boyfriend / husband. You'll see.

5. Lads who think they're Bob Marley, but can't be as, well for starters, they're white. We have 3 lads with dreadlocks in our work who ALL love Bob Marley. One named his daughter after a Marley tune, another slagged me off when he found out I liked Rush (shocking I know), and the other doesn't really have his own opinion and instead tends to follow the other two.

Funny thing is, these guys are probably just as bad as the elitist emo fucks out there who believe if you don't like their music you should just go and fucking DIE. I mean, they change their look to try and compare themselves to their own godfather, Mr. Marley.

Don't get me wrong, I don't HATE Bob Marley, I just really dislike his music and have found his fans are just as bad as emo fucks. And personally, I always preferred Jacob anyway. He ruled Scrooge hard.

I'll tell you what really fucking grates me about certain people; it's those people out there who make moves on people who they already KNOW are attached to someone else. For instance, person A is going out with person B. Person C however would REALLY love to be with person B, and so at the expense of person A's feelings and emotions, will press forth and try to fuck up the equilibrium, and in the process ruin everything for person A, who was happy in the first place (note: person A isn't ALWAYS happy of course :P ). I hate them. They're horror's. They're the dirt you get under your nails after a very mucky day's cleaning. They're the feeling in your stomach after you just found out a family member just died. They're the ones at the cinema who are rowdy throughout, throwing popcorn at eachother and generally ruining it for everyone.

I used to be one of those dickheads. Maybe as long as I was a teenager I was like that. But soon as what happened with Sarah happened, I think that's when I realised just how painful it is when this happens to you. And I thought, "If I feel this bad because of something like this, there's no way I could ever do it so someone else." So after that, I never did attempt to again. The times I HAD done it before this event were few and far between, and usually with someone who's relationship was in tatters anyway, but that doesn't excuse the fact; if anything you're making what they've got worse than it could be. Thankfully, anytime I ever got into any situation as i'm talking about now, it never made things worse for the other person, but with any time the chance was there, it could have.

Don't do it. If you know someone you like is in a relationship with someone else, let them be. Maybe they won't work out and you can have your chance to shine, THEN make your move. But don't do it when they're together, whether they're happy or not, because things could get messy, you'll look a cunt (especially if you fail), and you'll never be able to go back on doing something like it.

That's me out with. Thanks for the peeps posting on my myspace. It's early days with it, but that place seems popular enough that maybe I oughta keep up with the times! :P The friend requests are coming in, if slow, but i'm sure with time i'll soon have a bit of traffic floating on through there. So again, thanks you guys.

Oh, and before I go, a big shoutout to Blakely, Andy, my bro Lee, Laura, Dave Gray (yes, THE David Gray), Liam, Pillow, Claire, Mike, Lizzy, Skippy, Helen, Lee, Danny, and anyone else who helped my night last night be such a great and humourous one. I can only hope that our next night out is as good as it was last night. :) Ciao peeps.

Ok, ok, ok... I told myself i'd NEVER sign up for it but...

I've got my own myspace now. www.myspace.com/auto2112

Don't worry tho, I won't be touching the blogging feature over on it I don't think. I shall be forever stapled to this pit of consumerism... thing. OR I might just copy and paste so I essentially have two blogs. Maybe. Etc. Etc is actually ectetera. I think.

I just finished reading the first four books of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, they being 'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy', 'The Restaurant at the End of the Universe', 'Life the Universe and Everything', and finally 'So Long and Thanks for All the Fish'. Now, while I believe the quality of writing did gradually decrease with each book, I can't help but feel sucked in by the world (or worlds as it in this respect) conjured up by Douglas Adams. His 'trilogy' of sorts really did have me pondering the ultimate question of Life, the Universe and Everything; though suggest that the answer is '42' and you'd be greeted with baffled looks by passer-bys... passers-by... passer-by's... people walking past.

Why ARE we here? Mr. Adams would have you believe one of a million theories (I SO wanted to say forty-two :P ). The Canadian rock group Rush would suggest that we're here because we're here, roll the bones. Others may believe there's no logical explanation for our existence in this 'universe' or whatever the fuck it is that's wrapped around us. Either way, it kinda makes me feel a little lonely when I consider my position in this vast fucking void. Earth itself in relation to myself is so fucking huge, and yet in comparison to our galaxy, The Milky Way, it is actually quite small. Then there's the idea that our one galaxy is one of possibly an infinite number of galaxies out there. And then you've got to wonder what our universe is held within, if anything. And if it's not, how can there be no 'end', so to speak. You start thinking like this, and your head fills up with far too many questions with near enough no answers for any.

Anyways, I actually could go on and on reeling off unanswerable questions, and probably spin your brains in the process but I won't. Anyone who's read my blog for any prolonged period will know how much shit I can spout off so I won't torture you anymore than you already have been. Just let me say, if you can, read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. And then go on to the other books if you enjoyed it. it's an enlightening and VERY refreshing read. And it's something different from the seemingly Harry Potter-only market that seems to have set-up shop in today's literary industry. Even if it is a few decades old.

Having dreams get shattered can be hard. Sometimes it's a petty dream, like, WISHING you had the latest dvd out, only to find it was put back a month. On the other hand, you have those ULTIMATE dreams. When you're blind, and you find after 30 years in the metaphorical darkness, they've discovered a cure for it... only to find it wasn't what they thought it was after all, and you find your hopes around you crumble like a tea-soaked digestive. It's harsh. people view dreams different; the importance of them mostly, and what constitutes a major hope for one person can be seen to be a minor one to another. How we deal with the destruction of this hope is again, all down to the individual.

Me? I've always tried to keep a stiff-upper lip on the outside, but on the inside i'll always be marred by pain, suffering, and the annoying regrets. And no, this isn't just some dvd we're talking about here. It's even worse when it's someone who you care for dearly who has a hand in bringing down your dreams. It's hard to see your mother in the same way after she lets slip that jolly ol' St. Nick ain't quite what you thought he was... or when your father transforms from the playful daddy who'd pretend to be a monster and chase your two-foot frame round the living room (a cave to you), trying to EAT YOU... into the depressing, sometimes alcohol guzzling / cigarette chain-smoking, unreliable lay-about wretch. You always WISH that things could stay the same, and yet change inevitably becomes as natural as the daily sun-rise. It's a hard fact of life to deal with, and i'm dealing with it slowly but surely, and in my own way. When I figure out what the hell this way actually IS, maybe i'll feel even better.

Until then, i'll probably just camp out in this pit of utter confusion, and feel sorry for myself as I usually do when I feel low, but put on the brave obligatory face for those who I don't want to show my weaker side to. I've always been a twat for that kinda thing; hiding my true feelings, even to those people in my life more important to me, and who would probably be able to help me out if they knew EXACTLY what my problem was. Of course, they don't always understand these problems... that's when the shit REALLY hits the fan.

I'll end here. It's been an emotional 24 hours for me. Very fucking emotional. But i'd definitely like to thank Paula from Music Zone, a fellow xmas temp who before today i'd barely spoken to, but who at the end of the day I garbled a whispered, "Thank you so much." to, after she dispensed words of advice to me on a level only the Skippybird has been able to reach in previous times. And any girl who can find the bad points in her own kind has GOT to be great in my book. :)

It's official; i've now lost TWO stone. :D 28 pounds my friends. It's gone and absolutely forgotten... and how have I done it? Simple; cut out the snacks like crisps and candy / sweets, and get that extra exercise each day. That's all i've done, and the weight has slowly but surely fell off me. I'm OVER the moon. :D Everywhere I go, people who know me are commenting on how good i'm looking. One has told me i've become an inspiration to her, another I shocked so much she couldn't believe it were me. I feel so good. I've still got another 19 pounds to shed but i've managed to rid myself of nearly 2 thirds of it so far; maybe i'll hit it by the end of this year!

Ok Kris, you said you wanted more, try this out...

http://www.boltcity.com/copper/

Sometimes funny, sometimes sombre, Copper is the modern day Calvin & Hobbes, a comic about a boy and the dog he can converse with. While many may believe it's a simple rip-off, there's more to it than that. Anyone who knows me that well knows i'm the BIGGEST C&H fan in the world, so if something was ripping it off, i'd be the first to scream 'FUCK, BASTARDS, HORSE-SHIT!!!' for miles around.

Anyway, give it a shot. Start with... I THINK... the black and white strip at the bottom> Then work your way through em'. It's a wonderful harmless strip.

I posted about The Perry Bible Fellowship maybe over a year now, and to date, i know of only Naomi and Pete Abe as being converted. PEOPLE!!! The PBF is the way forward where internet comic strips are concerned. get your fucking acts together and start reading:

http://cheston.com/pbf/archive.html

Start from the bottom, they were the first strips, and work your way up. A phenomenally funny comic.

So while the job in Music Zone has become a blessing, everything else outside it has been pretty depressing. A week without Naomi has been harder than i could ever have imagined. i've been low. real fucking low. I think the people in work are gonna have a shock when they see how different I am next week, because once I get chatting to Naomi again, my mood will rise tenfold. And i'll get back to my ol' usual jovial self. But this has been tough. Uber-tough. Sick-tough. Roast beef tough. Or lamb. I always forget which is tougher cos' i don't really bother with them in roast dinners. Chicken's best, with some mint sauce.

I asked Naomi to not text me while she was away. The moment I sent her the text requesting that, i immediately realised the huge fucking mistake and reneged on my demand, and have felt a twat for it ever since. I shall not be jumping head first into a stupid decision like that in future. Funny thing is, I usually check out ALL angles of a situation before deciding what to do. Not this time. I fucked up. And big. I thought I could be a tough guy and go it alone for a week. How wrong I was. She agreed and swiftly stopped texting me. And I hope to god she enjoyed her holiday more for it. And I hope that she realises that my depressive nature this week is a sign to her of just how much she really means to me, cos' sometimes I think she simply doesn't realise just how much. It's not often a person who can do so much for you comes along in your life; embrace the moment. Grab it and don't let go. Cos' i nearly did this week, even if only temporarily, and it's become something i'll never forget as a result.

Lesson learnt.

x

What a hell of a last two days...

First of all yesterday; started my new job in Music Zone. Yes, as my ex Sarah so aptly put it today, i've got another 'cool' job under my belt. And the first day went so good. I loved it. I am in my fucking ELEMENT in that place. I'm throwing the DVD's out left right and centre, using the tills with the grace of Kay Parker to a fresh piece of meat, and giving the lovely customers those smiles they so deserve. I started the same day as new girl, an Aussie called Amanda who is just ADORABLE! She is the epitomy of petiteness. May only be 5 foot tall but boy does she has a cracking personality. And guess what?? She hates neighbours AND Home and Away!" (Huzzah!)

Seriously tho, i'm really buzzing with the job. it's what i've always wanted to give a shot, working amongst my favoured media, and now i'm finally doing it, i'm embracing the opportunity. If ever you're nearby, come in and say ahoy hoy... or anything else to that effect. Either way, it would be majorly appreciated. Unless it's super busy in there and i'd just have to tell you to fuck off. :P

TODAY... was very weird. After buying the magnificent Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow and Batman Begins on dvd, me and Lee decided to go check out the radio city box office board, see who was playing. So i'm stood there, and the next thing I know, a lady's standing next to me. I turn to my left and find... Sarah. Now THERE was a blast from the past. I probably haven't seen her in like, over a year maybe? And yet here she was checking out the very same board at the very same time. Eerie. After an initial awkwardness, we started talking pretty normally, and typically Lee got more laughs than I did. Always been the way when it comes to girlfriends i've had and have now; he ALWAYS gets more laughs. Maybe it's cos' they don't spend much time with him, because I spend all the time around him and I find him pretty dry. :P

Anyway, it was quite a surprise, but i'm just glad she didn't get all freaked out by this very odd coincidence of being in the same place like that. She didn't mention that I 'looked good' with my weight loss, but Leann Hay who I used to work with in Thorougoods, well she came into Music Zone yesterday and was talking about how great I looked! Sexy!!! :P I've nearly lost 2 stone for the uneducated ones of you who were unaware of my prowess at weight loss. Don't ask me, all I did was cut out snacks, stick to my main meals, and do a bit more exercise every day. It's a lot easier than you realise.

Anyways, enough ranting and drooling over with; it's been a bizarre couple of days. I'm glad to have some time to myself until I have shifts on Thursday... oh and Friday...... Saturday.........S......unday..... MONEY!!!

http://playusa.com/playusa.asp?pa=stcs2&page=title&r=R1&title=819511

Now THAT's the version of Sin City I want ^^^

What the hell's happened to MSN? No-one's ever on there anymore... It's become quite the void, vastly different to how it was back in the good ol' late 90's. What happened? Where did we go wrong? REALITY. That's what happened. Reality became a reality for a lot of us and we gave up on the online facade. I dunno why tho... online living offers a lot; for instance, I can't be the same person to someone both online and offline. I have two personalities, and finding out about both can lead people to know me better. Course, that's a tiny example in this fucking vast huge world we live in, but it's just sad to think that people are so easy to disregard online chatting as not being IT anymore. For me it's everything. Without it I wouldn't have the girlfriend I have now (6 and a half months strong), I wouldn't be able to chat to a phenomenal friend in Canada, and I certainly wouldn't be able to pretend to strangers that I look like Johnny Depp, have Brad Pitt's charm, and John Holmes' penis.

MSN has done so much for us, it's too easy to simply ditch it and forget this fact.I'm with it for the long-run that's for sure. Couldn't pull me away from it unless you gave me a million pounds.

I could go on about my fucked up family, my fucked up body, or my fucked up employment situation... but who wants to hear all that shit? Online relationships is where it's at!!!

*Stands still for shooting squad*

Just a quick post... BUNNY SUICIDES.

http://paginas.terra.com.br/arte/ReinodoCaos/bunny/b1.htm

Just a quick hello to Kristine, she only just checked my blog for the first time in months. :P

Life's fucking boring. Well, besides having my house shot at of course, but not having a job is a fucking drag. Just plain boring, boring. And because of it, i'm finding it harder to type shit up for this blog. I AM going down south this weekend so that will be a huge lift for me which I definitely need. Knowing my luck i'll get asked to come in for an interview in Liverpool while i'm down there.
Liverpool ain't doing a whole lot for me right now, it's about time I had some good luck. And yes, I AM actively searching for jobs, not hoping they come to me. :P

Some of you guys may have heard me mention Harvey Danger in the past. A wonderful group, they hit it big in the mid 90's with 'Flagpole Sitta' (Which featured in god knows how many movies at the time), and endeared me with their sound. Anywho, i've been waiting FUCKING AGES for their new album 'Little By Little' to come out, and then when it finally did... I couldn't buy it anywhere cos' it had a very limited release.

Just now I checked their site... and they've not only released the album to the US public to buy in the shops but they've also put it up for free on their website!!!

http://www.harveydanger.com/downloads/

I'm fucking astounded. What band does this today? A free release! Amazing! You KNOW i've downloaded it, but so should you, even if you haven't heard them before. It's free for fucks sake, how often can you say a band gives away their albums themselves?? Be a part of this! DOWNLOAD 'LITTLE BY LITTLE'... and tell me what you think. I highly recommend 'Little Round Mirrors', track 4.

Nearly a week's passed, and while the police haven't moved further in finding out who did that to our door, they HAVE told us they have a lead on it and are chasing it down now. Whatever the fuck that means. I just want to find out who the fuck it was that did it, why they did it, and see them put to justice. Guns alone have no place in our society, but when you find shotguns being aimed at your front door, something is supremely fucked up.

Went to Bootle today for the first time in a while; everytime I go there again, I forget just how big a shithole that place is. Course, I live in Huyton so can't say much about other shit-holes but for the benefit of this rant I will. Bootle! Shit! One or two shops aren't bad (stereotypical for me: Gamestation, game, Music Zone) but besides that? Jesus Christ... and the people! Misery personified. They all look like they need a few razor's taking to their wrists. And that office block above the strand... fuck me... anywho, enough slagging off; Bootle is a shit-hole, and so's Huyton, but at least huyton doesn't try to make itself appear as anything else. :P

Why is it hours before writing a blog, I ALWAYS have a shitload to talk about, then when approaching it finally... there's NOTHING. I had to resort to slagging off a place I rarely visit, and picking up on a previous issue. The blog could be dying. It needs resuscitating. it could ALSO do with some fucking spruceing up. I need to find a site designer who can make my blog look ejaculatory. I'll keep you posted.

I'm sat here in a state of shock because just over an hour ago, someone put 5 gun shots through our frony door, rendering our porch obsolete, and my family to a quivering wreck.

The baby, Alex, was asleep in the living room where the shots came through. My other bro, Lee, was sat in the middle of the room playing the PS2. My mum was a metre away from the firing line of the shots. I was sat in my room. I thought it was fireworks but then it seemed to sound like someone smashing something outside my window. Then when I heard my mum screaming downstairs, i've never been so terrified in my whole life. There's something about a family member who screams after you yourself hear extremely loud banging noises that simply turns you to jelly.

I fucking hate Liverpool. Whether or not those gunshots were meant for us, I couldn't give a shit. I fucking hate this city more than I ever have. I don't want to be here. My mum's moving out with the family as soon as she can, she doesn't want to have to stay here any longer than she has to. It seems as good a time for me to escape the cuckoo's nest and move out of this city for good. No-one deserves to hear a gunshot in their own home once in their life. No-one should have to know their baby brother was asleep in a room which just had five gunshots come screaming through the door. If I DO find myself leaving to go down south any time soon, I promise you you will hear from me before I go, and I don't mean on this fucking shit-pit of a site. I have to leave now as i'm gonna be getting questioned very shortly, but rest assured those who know me; everyone's safe.

I just want to apologise to EVERYONE who had to witness what did happen at the end of the night on Friday. Pete, i had a WONDERFUL time, and can only thank you for even inviting me out. I haven;t been THAT pissed in so fucking long. I had a genuinely good night but what can I say? My brother decided he had to let his drink dictate what he had to do. And he HAS admitted that. So again, I apologise, I just hopeyou hada really good night overall; I did. :)

The employment world is a fucked up one. Jacob's have fucked me around for nearly a month now, and i'm still having to wait a further two weeks before starting work there, which will mean from initial response from them, it'll have taken 5 weeks to start work. Which is pretty fucking embarrasing.

Now i've got a degree, the world should be my oyster... right? Wrong. Ever since i've got my degree, haven't figured out where to go with it, and the University has never tried to point any of us in the right direction. And I say 'us', cos' my mates Jenny and Nick also got their degrees; Nick's been unemployed for months and still is, Jenny's working behind a bar of a social club, which she doesn't like if memory serves me correctly. And I am chasing up a job which should have been chasing me up now, the way they've handled the situation. Was going to uni a waste of time? I'm £12'000 in debt because of it, as well as jobless and trying to get jobs which my degree has no bearing upon. Times like this you can't help but feel failed by something or someone.

Just have to keep my chin up and keep on plodding. I've been worse than this before, and something will come along sooner or later, but it's a sad state of affairs when something you work for ends up leading to absolutely nothing but a hefty debt and a pat on the back.

SMOKERS! I fucking HATE smokers (Generalisation, ten points from Auto2112). Me and my bro were on the bus coming home from town today, as you do, and there was a pissed up guy who decided to light up on the bus, no care at all. Anyway, the girl who was sitting in front of him moved across the bus to get away from the smoke he was blowing in the back of her head and her vicinity. Good on her. he mutters under his breath, "It's only a fucking cigarette". Me and Lee are annoyed. Anywho, we get off the bus and as we turn round, that guy is also getting up to leave the bus, but he starts to give that girl shit about moving across. WTF??? It's illegal to smoke on the bus my simple little cunt, so don't give someone shit who doesn't want their lungs polluted with poison. If you like your lungs lined with the black shit, smoke yourself to death by all means, but don't let everyone else around you share your suicide cos' we would like to lead a cough-free life without smoke being blown into our fucking faces. ARSEHOLE!!! The government needs to hurry up with this banning smoking in public places, will lead to a much healthier life for the public in general.

And don't give me any of this relieving stress shit. If you want to relieve stress, try doing it some other way, otherwise you'll find yourself adding more stress upon yourself when you find out you've earned yourself a nice bout of lung cancer and are heading for a quicker death than previously imagined. And I couldn't give a shit. If you're going to head toward illness because of a stupid choice you made, don't let me know, I have no sympathy for you.

Hasn't it been a while??? In the middle of watching Liverpool embarrass themselves in the European Super Cup, just thought i'd leave a quick update saying I haven't died, i'm still here. Just a bit tired lately and hardly feeling a need to update. Needless to say, had a WONDERFUL two weeks with naomi, and coming back to Liverpool is a huge reality slap. Hope I can get out of it soon.

Finally left Thorougoods today. The place i've called work for the last 22 months has now finally passed me by. I'm now unemployed. Tomorrow I sign on for the first time. Christ almighty... get a degree, and ya stuck unemployed! :D Nah, i've quit now so I can spend two weeks with Naomi, and then i'll get a full-time job, till Christmas and then i've a whole myriad of options open to me then... but again, it's just great to be out of that shit-hole once and for all. Just hope my final pay packet, what with all the holiday pay i'm owed, is a good un'.

Naomi comes up to Liverpool on Thursday!!! For the first time... I think she'll love it up here. It's Liverpool for Christ sake! European Champions! The Beatles! Super-Lamb Banana!... anywho, she's gonna be with me at the KH on Saturday if ya wanna see the lady herself so get yo' asses down there and celebrate!

Finally, a mention goes out to my good friend Laura S, who's currently going through a pretty shitty period of time in her life. Chick, we've all been there. Remember me with Sarah? I was probably the most miserable fucker most people had met in the months that followed that episode. But look at me now, i'm the total opposite of the guy that my brother thought was gonna kill himself cos' of the depression he imposed upon himself. Revel in the down-period while it's there, you might get something from it funnily enough. But don't you worry, the good times WILL roll back to you, and when they do, you'll forget how shitty you're feeling now and will probably wonder how you ever could have felt like this. :)

How do other people cope with down periods? I'm not at the top of my game right now, and I just put Harvey Danger's 'Where Have All the Merry Makers Gone?' album on, and that always cheers me up I guess. Otherwise, i'd normally be just sat about moping and wish I could do something to brighten up my spirits. It's not as nice either where you've had nothing but happiness for SOOOOOO very fucking long, and then a low point kinda hits you from nowhere. Still, least I know it won't last too long and i'll be back to my... miserable self again very soon. :P

I leave my current job a week on Tuesday. I'm really looking forward to getting it over with. I can't say i'm gonna miss the place... i'll miss the job itself, as it was piss easy, but the management, pay, and hours can all go fuck themselves. So can most of the customers for that instance:

1.

"Have you got 10 Embassy Regal?"
"We only do Embassy OR Regal."
"Yeah, Embassy Regal."
*Holds shotgun toward head*

2.

"Ya got 4 cans of lager please?"
"Yeah, which lager?"
"The ones on the shelf."
*Hunting high and low for some razor blades*

3.

"You got any bottles of wine which will just the one glass?"
"Er... I don't believe we sell them, nor haveI ever heard of em'."
"You do sell them, they were in last week."
"I've worked here for nearly 2 years mate, we definitely never sold them."
"Oh right... must have been a week you weren't in."
*Looks for a nice looking wood-chipper to throw self in*

Funny thing is, I look at these dick-heads in simple bewilderment and always wonder if i've ever been that annoying a dickhead to a shop assistant. SURELY NOT. But then it would be a bit ignorant to think I was some grade A class shopper who's NEVER pissed off a sales assistant... but maybe I am. ;)

How fucking ignorant are blogs? Seriously? I was reading some tonight, and thought about the fact that people tell me they like reading mine because they like to see what i'll say next, or they think I have a unique way of typing shit up and then it dawned on me that these same people could as easily just try and arrange to get together with me for cheese and wine. They could simply hear what I have to say IN PERSON. Not through some text on a shitty looking website out there (which could hardly consitute a website the way it stands), and yet no... the textual way is the way to be it seems. Hmmm. Is my generation doomed to forever unveil their feelings by word of text, not mouth? It seems that way. I prefer the good ol' fashioned vocal range meself. Not cos' I like to hear the sound of my own voice, but because it's just more personal. Any ol' Tom, Dick and Harry could read my blog and I bet ya 9 times out of 10 they'd think I was an egotistical self-righteous stuck-up prick. And they'd be well justified to do so too. That's the problem with blogs; you want as many people to read it as possible, but then start panicking when you find out STRANGERS are. Me? I'll keep typing. Sure i'm going against everything i've just said, but what the hey, i've got fuck all else to do.

The comments box is being abused now. I think most people are clever enough to figure out which one is Naomi's genuine comment, so we're left with the mystery commenter, who's pretty much making me feel ill inside. I WAS going to take them down but then thought fuck it. I shouldn't have to. I think I know who it is and i'm pretty surprised in them. There's nothing to this besides the lame attempt to get a few laughs out of it. I'm pretty disappointed in this person too. the silly anonymous comments I could deal with, but when they impersonate my girlfriend, it's a bit fucked up. Considering they don't even know her. AND with a comment like that. From this blog on, i'll simply not acknowledge them.

Graduation took place today and it was excellent. :) Looked pretty suave in my cap and gown, Jenny and Nick (my best mates from Uni) had a fantastic time, and even my mum enjoyed herself, after she complained the ceremony would be too long and she couldn't be arsed. :D Fantastic. Least she was honest, everyone else there was acting like it was the last time ever they'd be seeing their darling angels and strapping chaps. Almost made me nauseous. And I can't believe I got a buzz from walking up the ramp to shake hands with the chancellor's of John Moore's; probably helped when my brother Lee shouted from the audience, "YEAH!!!" to mild surprise from peeps around him. Can always rely on him to make me look sexy.

Well, if any of you saw the comment posted on the last blog, you'll know what this intro is about. To be honest, I think it's just Pete Abe with his usual silly sexual related comment, but if it's NOT... well, I guess it only goes to re-affirm exactly what I wrote in the 3rd paragraph. But I think it's Pete, seems stupid enough to be him. :P

Graduation's on Thursday. Dunno what to expect. 11am start, and i'm not too fussed but my family are pretty excited about it I guess. Will be the first time (and only time unless Alex becomes a hard core graduate too) that they'll go through this ceremony, so it means a lot to them I guess. Me? I've got my degree, I didn't need to go stepping up some platform to shake some stranger's hand to receive it again, but I will do if only so my mum and dad can 'proud of their ickle boy'. *Sighs*

Then Friday i'm off down south with our Lee to go celebrate Naomi's 18th birthday. Shit, was just gonna post what i've got her and realised she reads this. Now THAT would have been fucking stupid. But yeah, I reckon it's going to be a good weekend, Lee just wants to get shit-faced (oh and go to visit Portsmouth's footy ground >_> ) and it means the world to her hitting adult-hood. So again, like last time, you won't see any new posts till I get back, but like you give a shit! Ya fucking bastards.

With that, I bid ye adieu, you're a lovely audience, you REALLY are!

It's funny, but when i've been single in the past, a lot of people have always urged me to go out there; get a girl! After all, I supposedly deserved one, what with being 'such a nice guy' after all. However, soon as I DO get myself a lovely girlfriend, everyone seems to jump on my back. They think it's bizarre that she lives too far away. They think the age difference of 3 and a half years is fucked up. They wonder why the fuck I bother travelling such distances just to be with her.

When love's involved, you'd do ANYTHING to feel it. If I have to travel 200 miles to be with the girl I love, i'll do it. If she's mature enough for me, even if she 3 and a half years younger, I'll be with her. And who gives a shit if she lives 200 or 2000 miles away anyway? If the dedication is there, you wouldn't give a shit what it takes to be with that loved one. A funny one i've heard is, "But how much do you really know her?" This is a girl who i've known for 2 years (longer than some of the people asking me shit like that), I know her more than most people do. We have a closeness you don't get with just anyone. Any of you out there in a serious relationship know what i'm talking about. You'd do ANYTHING for your partner... well, maybe not the ones who are screwing behind their partner's back. :P But you know what i'm saying.

I think some people out there bringing negatives up about my relationship won't let go of past situation's. Which is understandable, but if you've got a problem against anyone, don't hold it against Naomi for christ sake. She's always been 200 miles away when i've fucked up in my life. If you wanna hate anyone, hate me, but it's wasted because i'm not the kind of pedantic prick who would let such childish grudges get to me. But you might get something out of venting your anger against me, even if behind my back. And I BET you watch Big Brother 6 and get hard-on's from the bitching... :D

Anywho, i'm happy, she's happy, WE'RE happy. :) Long as it stays like that, i've nothing to worry about. I've got my degree, i'm leaving that shitty dead-end job i've been stuck in for nearly two years, next month, and hopefully will be able to start full-time work ANYWHERE as soon as possible. I've got the girl of my dreams who's like a female version of me (only with a LOT less fat), got me a baby brother who's coming along in leaps and bounds, everything's just as it should be. :D Next thing for me... is to move out.

A whole week since my last blog. I must be slipping in my old age!

Just ordered my cap and gown for my graduation next week. Was £35 to just hire it which I guess isn't TOO bad as it IS shot hot quality, hand-made and shit. Still, would have been nice to actually buy the thing but... £350??? Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Anywho, I think it's going to be a nice day on the graduation, although knowing my weather luck, will probably piss down. I'm doing it more for my family than myself tho, I don't need a big ceremony to confirm the passing of my degree. Will also be nice knowing Naomi can watch it online from 200 miles away... fucked up, but nice! :P

the weather's been shit-hot this week. Where's it come from? Where's it gonna go? I think the weatherman have pulled a deal with the Devil, so they can simply step up in front of their magic map's and say, "The weather's amazing, go out their and play skin cancer roulette, hope you burn you mother-fucker's." I often wonder if the scally bitches out there STILL bother with sun-beds when it's this nice. Also, give a thought to those who are on holiday in countries which they THOUGHT would be hotter than here... dickheads. :D

Not a whole lot else to say really. Quitting my job in a month's time, see if I can get a full time job finally. Dunno what I want to do, and i'm a little annoyed by everyone assuming because i've got my degree in Screen Studies I can seemingly just walk onto the set of a Hollywood movie and get a job as a casting director or as a foley guy and shit. IT'S NOT THAT CONVENIENT PEOPLE!!! Wish it fucking was!!! :P Still, wish me luck, a guy as uneducated as me in the world of full-time employment needs it; DEARLY.

I fucking hate just how impatient some people can be. Take my dad for instance. Whether he's in the car beeping someone so they'll pull away into a no doubt near-death situation, or telling the baby to shut up just because he's crying, or the way he rushes everyone just because he can't be arsed waiting 8 seconds more than he has to. Take a shotgun, aim it at my head, and pull the trigger if I EVER end up like that. Or just shoot me if you feel like it. :P

Had a WONDERFUL weekend with Naomi. Two weekends out of two which have just been amazing now. Next time I go down there, i'm going with my brother Lee, for her birthday. I've got her the most amazing gift, but I can't say what on here cos' she reads this here blog. Needless to say, I intend to help her have the best birthday ever. Some of you people who think you know me, you haven't a clue. :)

Better go now, got a killer headache, a runny nose, and work later. What a terrible day. The pissing down rain doesn't help matters either. Take a shotgun, aim it at my head...

I forget that one doesn't always receive comments. That's the problem with the comment feature on this blog; you type up expecting maybe even a slight comment and so you keep waiting... and waiting... and nothing. Maybe there's a hint of narcissism hidden in there somewhere. You can't ALWAYS expect someone to comment!!! :P

Was great to see Tim Henman go out of Wimbledon again, i've really enjoyed it since. Don't have to hear about fucking Henman Hill or anymore 'Come on TIM!!!'s now. Can enjoy Tennis for what it is. :D

I go down south this weekend to see Naomi again so you'll likely not hear from me anytime between Thursday and Sunday, but I may just post before I go on the Wednesday, if I can be arsed. i'm SERIOUSLY finding a lack of interesting shit to talk about right now. I reckon my mind ain't in the right frame. See how I am later.

Just a quick post to say I passed my degree. :D Happy as a pig in shit. Was only a 2:2, but I simply wanted to pass more than anything. Didn't want to fail and then consider my last 3 years to have been a useless waste. And for those who are unsure (as I was earlier today), a 2:2 translates to between 50 and 60%.

Tonight's the night to get absolutely SLAUGHTERED. So if you're in the Kh tonight, pop in, see me, congratulate me, buy me a drink, shake hands, and fuck off. Maybe.

Anyways, just wanna end with God Bless America. As whenever something goes right, it's the only thing to say. God Bless that amazing country, with its never ending supply of soldiers and civilian labelled bullets. :)

I enjoy watching tennis. I don't love it, but it's a good sport with next to no scandal, next to no celebrity gossip in the press, I enjoy it. it feels like it's genuinely about the sport more than anything else. However... I HATE watching a Tim Henman match. I don't mind the guy, but he has some of the worst fans in the world:

Fan A: Go on, you say it...
Fan B: What? No way, you do!
Fan A: I said it 13 times last year! And 7 the year before! You only said it 4 last year.
Fan B: 5.
Fan A: Could have sworn it was 4. Strawberry?
Fan B: No thanks. I'm still not saying it tho.
Fan A: Ok then, I will...
Fan B: Go on, go on!!! *Giggles like a school-girl*
Fan A: Ok... COME ON TIM!!!
Fan B: OMGWTFLOLBBQ!!!!1!!!!111!!

Really, How often do we have to fucking hear 'come on Tim'? Is that fan support? Really? I feel sorry for the chap if that's all the support he can get. He even has to rally these miserable boring bastards to cheer him on. Was watching him against the Russian dude just now and it was like the fans had had their life support turned off. Only when Tim made some movement like he was trying to swim in mid-air did anyone wake up. And you've got the commentators...

That old bastard: Good ol' Tim, he's such a funny gentleman.
McEnroe: Just ain't American.
That old bastard: Wonder how they're getting on over on 'Henman Hill'?
McEnroe: Who gives a shit?
That old bastard: Ah, there's Lucy in the stand, Tim's wonderful wife, always here for support.

*Camera switches to Lucy, looking like she'd rather be in the dressing room getting screwed by Tim's trainer.*

McEnroe: Her face reminds me of this shot I pulled off back in 86'...
That old bastard: Definitely Tim's year this year, always has been...

*Umpire gets knocked off his chair by a stray ball.*

McEnroe: LOL!!! Now that there's just about the funniest thing I ever did see. That's tennis folks, funniest sport in the world.

It pisses me off. I'm telling ya, football might have the cliched quotes, the scandal, and dickhead's who earn 50 times what they should be, but least they have genuine fans. Well, besides Manchester United. Bastards.

Just a quick blog. Was reading through some of the other blogs found on Skippy's blog, and came across Nick's... Anywho, it reminded me that I had a picture of he and I from when we played in Lister Drive School's football team, so without further ado... and I KNOW all of you who know Nick will just ADORE this... here's the LDFC team photo from... Jesus, 1992 maybe???

Hope you enjoyed that trip back down memory lane. :D I'm 2nd from the right on the back row, Nick's next to me on the right. For those of you who DON'T know us. Fucking stalkers.

Muchos appreciation for the early feedback, it's always nice to know i'm not typing my fingers to the bone to no-one in particular.

Had a great weekend. As she said in my comments, i had the pleasure of bumping into Skippy in the Krazy House. Tis always a pleasure of course, not often ya find wisened peeps in that shit-hole. But when you do, the feeling is akin to finding a 50p on the floor. VERY sexual.

Not a whole lot else to report really, but I reckon it's more the fact i'm boiling my fucking bollocks off sitting here trying to type this. And besides, I just bought 13 episodes of Batman: The Animated Series, and I really want to see the TRUE side of Batman for once. As well as the new film on Thursday. :P

Oh, and because I know how much you lot loved the links of yesteryear, here's a short clip of loads of cum floating; yes, it's Underwater Love!!!

Quote Unquote (Travolta)

And so it begins. A return. Not a very gallant one, but a return never-the-less. And a return to what exactly? Last time I spoke at real length, I declared I would never be updating this blog again. In the months that followed, i realised I had too much to say and no-one to say it too. The urge to come back to this was too much. Hence why i'm back only 4 months later, and not leaving the blog to stagnate under the weight of nearly 3 and a half years of trivial nonsense.

So yeah, I feel I can use this to say a lot of cryptic and metaphorical shit; only in that guise because naming people is far too incriminating and stressful in the long run. :D But a lot has happened to me since. A few of you may remember Naomi from my trip to London last year. Well i'm now officially with her now, and currently see her every 3 weeks when I have a weekend off from work. Soon as she leaves college in a few weeks, the world is our oyster. I'm extremely happy with her, and it makes a pleasant change from the dull routine life I had settled into over the past year and a half.

I've left University for good now. 3 years down the drain. Don't even know if i'll get my degree. But if I do, any pass will suffice. I honestly gave up caring half way through. i only stuck with it cos' i'd got that far and didn't want to sacrifice the last year and a half that I had already gone through. So Uni wasn't for me, but I know not everyone has the same experience as I did. Some people have fantastic times in Uni, the times of their lives. Getting pissed every night, shagging random people, and asking if they can get student discount on a fucking taxi fare. Bastard students. For once I can finally say that without some twat replying, "Er, but aren't YOU a student?"

I'd like to say a whole lot more has happened, and it probably has, but it doesn't come to mind right now. Needless to say, Auto2112.blogspot.com is back in operation, and is so permanently it would seem. Keep checking back, you know how often I update the fucker, so there's usually some vile outlook on some of the latest happenings in my life or someone else's who I have no right to be making a point of.

It's good to be back and I sincerely hope this term is as popular as the last two.

PS: For those of you who had no idea where those 'random sentences' were coming from in recent weeks... your heads? Hang them. In shame.

Slowly Growing Deaf

Carousel

My Ass Is On Fire

Dead Goon

Carry Stress in the Jaw

Phlegmatics

The Bends
Man Overboard
The Drowning Flute
Aqua Swing
Follow the Bubbles
Duet For Guitar and Oxygen Tank
Nerve Damage
Screaming Bends
Panic
Love On The Event Horizon
Re-Entry

Platypus

None Of Them Knew They Were Robots

Retrovertigo

Pink Cigarette

The Holy Filament

Goodbye Sober Day

Ain't this a surprise??? Don't get too excited, I'm just posting to sat that i'll be deleting everything off this blog in the next week or so. I only post now, cos' a friend of mine said she wanted some of the links i'd posted, so I told her to get them while they're there.

The blog WILL be coming back after all, but not in the next month, or maybe the month after... but soon as I feel like it, it'll be back. Until then, the page will be blank for the most time.

Clicking 'New Post' to update this here blog of mine, kinda bugged me. It should have read 'Final Post'. 'Last Post' maybe? Anything with a bit of closure attached would have been nice, but hey, guess i'll have to just end it in my own usual spectacular way! This is my last ever update for the Auto2112 blog.

I could come up with a million and one reasons for why i'm ending this, but spewing them up won't change the fact that i'm doing this. I wouldn't say I no longer have the patience for it, because I sometimes feel like I have all the time in the world. Maybe I just don't feel it anymore. It's had its ups and downs, its smiles and cries, but most of all, it showed people a side to me that maybe they didn't get to see in person. It's kinda sad for me to admit that my nicest and most honest side comes in the form of some lines of text. Otherwise i'm just your everyday average guy who likes to get a rise out of people because it fills him to see people happy.

To those of you in Universities far and wide, to those in countries on the other side of the blue divide, and to all who ever did read this blog, my apologies for ending this so abruptly. But if i'd have told anyone I was doing this, you know you'd have tried to talk me out of it! :)

With that, i end on the words of Mr. Bungle, and a small thank you to all who did visit this bare but emotional page. Only wish I could have ended it more glamourously... au revoirski. :)

While I'm dulled by excess
And a cynic at best
My art imitates crime

PS: I don't know if this blog will close after a certain period of inactivity, but if it doesn't, i'll keep it open for good. Always nice to have a reminder of what I once was like.

Seems I can rely on Kristine, even when I least expect it. :) Thank you my dear, you're a true friend.

What a day! Coming off finishing The Da Vinci Code and going on to watch Almost Famous, both for the first time, i'm in a seemingly major philosophical mood. Which sadly could, and probably will, go to waste, but still, least I embraced it while it was here! :) Either way, if you haven't read it, read it. If you haven't seen it, see it. I know most of you hear me say the word 'read' and immediately think of The Mirror, or maybe the horoscopes in the latest Cosmopolitan, but really, there's a whole world out there full to the brim of... another world. Let it suck you in, and you're basically fucked, but it's a good fucked. A 'fucked' that you WANT to take over you. You'll be surprised how good the written word can feel after reading some of it, and it does actually reach further out than just the recesses of your local sweet-shop magazine rack.

As for the film, there's more to life than blockbusters and mainstream Hollywood. Don't get me wrong, I love the occasional action flick (tho come on, they're fucking awful today), and i'm a sucker for Pixar films, but again, delve deeper. Go browse the Internet Movie Database, and find films you like then you know what you do? You click the link that tells you it can recommend you other movies like it. In fact, fuck it, go browse it's top 250 list. Fuck the Lord of the Rings trilogy, as well as the expected mush like The Godfather, Star Wars, Fight Club, Kill Bill Vol:2 (Vol.1 was good, 2? Fucking hell...), even the likes of Amelie (there are COUNTLESS better French films out there than this), and give Rain Man, Stand By Me, The Breakfast Club, Magnolia, fuck, even Groundhog Day a look. Sit back, flick open a bottle of water (the ones with the caps of course), open up your bacon rashers (excellent movie delicacy), and be enveloped in a narrative which doesn't need violence, special effects, or the obligatory twist ( I blame M. Night Shyamalan, that guy made those things too cool for their own good), but which relies on simple story-telling. In a manner which makes you sit up from your previously sat back position, and almost nod in agreement to the seemingly hidden message that's being thrown at you.

I'm preaching. I know it. But it's nice to point people in a direction which MAY, not definitely, but may bring them happiness. I'm no fucking messiah, i've done enough stupid fucked up things to know if I believed in heaven and hell i'd be debating with myself which direction i'd be heading. But there's no harm in trying to open a person's eyes. it doesn't happen often to me, but when it does? Oh boy! :D

Well, I DID expect at least ONE comment about the links I posted in the last update nearly two weeks ago, but alas, not a single fucking one. I know there were people out there who checked them out tho! Bah to ya's. I actually wasn't gonna post a single thing till there was one comment posted but Kate just told me she's getting shipped off to the Navy next month and I felt the need to vent my unhappiness at losing a true friend next month.

She means a lot to me. I often think she doesn't realise that, but then most of my mates are like that so it shouldn't surprise me. Maybe she does, but just shields it so as not to reveal an emotional side. Either way, she means enough to me for me to post a blog stating I wish she weren't going! :P But if it furthers her life, as well as make her happy, i'd hope NOBODY tried to stop her. It's not often we get these kind of opportunities, especially ones that can change your life forever, so good luck to her, and I hope she finds herself a strapping sailor.

Blakely and Andy's band Thumper played again last night. Sounded a quiet gig (I was in work!!!) but i'm sure they were happy with the furthered experience. My bro Lee told me about the ensuing night out which followed, in ye ol' Krazy House. Seems when i'm not there that a lot of shit goes down, more than what most people realise. When did people get so fucked up with eachother? Least when I fuck up I try and keep it contained, and not let it outbreak, but others are just happy to witness the carnage and turmoil take over. Fuck that way of life, fuck that mentality, and fuck working on a night when your mate's are out playing a gig. BAH!!! It's times like these i'm glad i'm not the centre of attention (actually, saying that, I hate being the centre of attention anytime unless it's in the middle of an orgy with 3 strapping ladies and i'm the only guy.)

So, there you have it. Oh wait, Sarah e-mailed me yesterday (my ex), and it was a pleasant one. Moreso than I expected, but some people just surprise you. Anyways, if you know me, you'll know how hard it was after me and her split up, so it's appreciated that we can seemingly put our differences aside and e-mail eachother like this. I say seemingly, cos' ya know how easy it is to put a foot wrong with someone you've had a tricky past with. :)

So, that's really it now. Even if I remember something now, i'm not posting about it. So fuck ya's. But again, I can't stress how good those links were; IF YOU HAVEN'T CHECKED THEM OUT, THEN DO SO!!! You could be missing out on something very helpful.

PS: I Purposefully refused to do a joke about 'seamen' while talking about Kate. It's cliched, boring, and too much for even me to swallow.

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I shouldn't be posting at 5am but what can I say? I'm an odd person like that.

Me and Leann who I work with had a discussion a short while ago in our place of employment about how I was a people watcher. It's like a habit, if I see someone who thinks they're in their own little world with no-one to bother them, I just find them fascinating enough to just want to keep watching. Maybe it's because it's most likely that what i'm witnessing is that person at their most honest. That's when you see them as they really are. They're not trying to impress anyone, nor are they acknowledging, greeting, conversing with, angering, anyone in particular. They're just there in a moment of individualness. There's not many opportunities for it, and it's also made a million times better when the person you're watching is someone you know. What are they thinking? ARE they thinking? The fact of the matter is, a motionless person staring into nothingness is addictive shit to watch. You ever wonder why those scenes in films where an actor stares in the camera motionless are unique-feeling, or why you feel uncomfortable because it almost seems like he / she / it is looking right at you? I'd never urge people to go round looking for unsuspecting passer-by's, or friends they want to lose through their weirdness, but just watch next time a friend is having a moment. And just look at them. You might see something that you never noticed before. (Refrained from using Beauty & The Beast reference in that last sentence.) And when you do... :)

An odd blog i'll wager, but it's original at least from all the oblique and ambiguous ones i've been dishing out lately. Talking of odd, I e-mailed my ex, Sarah, the other day. I was lying in bed at the time, feeling a little sick after remembering a past dream (I get nauseous when I remember dreams, weird I know) and something told me I should add her back to my MSN Messenger list, and e-mail her. I didn't know what to say really, but just to e-mail her with anything. Maybe just a mere acknowledgement that I actually knew she was still alive, and dare I say it, actually care that she's still alive. But I did do it, for whatever reason. No reply. :) I expected as much, but hey ho, it made me feel good at the time even if it may have been pointless.

Finally, can't wait to see my ol' friend Kate on Saturday again, who coincidental as it may seem, actually introduced me to Sarah. Kate's been in Sicily for the past month, and despite what she thinks, she means a lot to me and i've missed her loads. The problem with me is that most of my friends take their friendships for granted so don't take much notice of people around them who genuinely respect and care for them. I don't blame Kate for that, I know she appreciates it really, I just think the environment that she and I have been brought up in, socially speaking, has been an almost caged one, with not a lot of scope to really show what you really think. Open your mouth round my lot and you're liable to feel a knife in your back. Always been that way, likely alway will be too.

Just a short message to say that this Sunday will see the next update of links for you lot. It's been 4 months since I posted the best (and worst) of the internet with the help of my friends from the place that doesn't exist. So brace yourselves yet again, for the update which really brings the peeps to my blog. :P

So I went through my first real sober night in the KH tonight, and I gotta tell you, it was a hell of a lot easier than I expected, though it brought to light a shitload of negatives about other people that you wouldn't otherwise see if you were drunk. I'm sure you all know the kinds of things I'm referring to. Maybe only little things, but they're still noticeable enough for you to really pick up on em'. Makes me not want to go out as much anymore and i'm sure that with my newfound tee-totalness i'll probably end up going that way, but it's still kinda distressing. I find i'm learning a lot of bad things about peeps around me, and it's not nice to know them, but i'd rather I did than live oblivious to the facts. You need to see these other sides, otherwise they'll end up turning around to attack you themselves.

Let's ditch this for now, i'm pissing myself off talking about it actually, so there. But yeah, it was actually a good night overall. I didn't like the idea of seeing everyone else around me bladdered at the end of the night while I was stood there sober, but it was nowhere as bad as I expected. And no, I was never tempted once. If I can get the food side of this diet sorted, as well as start the regular exercise... this could work. You never know. I've never been one for diets, always came across as maybe being a waste of good times, but i'm sure up for one now. So let's see if I stick with it and make myself a healthier, leaner, and who knows sexier ( :P ) person? T'would be a nice thing to end up with I guess, and would also be a huge fuck you to the people who doubted me. The looks of surprise tonight when they finally saw I was genuine about this was priceless. Kodak moment so to speak.

Bit of a shout-out to Skippy who I saw for the first time in fucking YONKS tonight. She's always a pleasure to be around, is a fantastically helpful mind to know and ALWAYS comes packaged with a beautiful smile. Great to see ya again chick, and you looked just darling! :P

Not much else to say really. Except i'm fucking starving. Ouch. :( ;)