And so it ends...

First off, I need to give the world's HUGEST shout out to Amie (Still remembered!!!), Hayley Abe!!! and Katie, who I met for the first time in the Barracuda last night. Amie, you're an absolute doll who seems to have a chest that can fly in all directions! I love it! Keep it up dear! Or down... or whatever. :P Hayley! Don't listen to what they all say, ya don't look a thing like Pete. It takes years of testicle tickling to look as hairy and suave as Mr. Pete. One day you may be so lucky, but until then, you'll just have to retain those lovely curvaceous features of yours. :P And Katie... anyone who says i'm funny HAS to be cool in my book. She also looks stunning, is up for a larf, and necks for superhero's! You can't be as cool as that! Leanne, who introduced me to these two lovely specimens, also introduced me to about another 10 girls, so if i've missed you out, it's only because I can't remember all your names! I remember the lady with the pink skirt (Claire was it?), the one with the blue and white baseball cap, the one with the cool mad black clothing who'd not go amiss in the Krazy House... is there anyone i'm forgetting... oh yeah. Vicky. (Silence)............................................................. who's cool. ;) Vicky, I luvs ya I do girly! I liked your skirt and your top was even better. It brought out the chest, I mean best in you! :D Oh, and if you wanna see this bunch of misfits, here they are... You'll find most of them I just mentioned are on the right side but I can't be arsed going through each one. So to speak.

NOW... onto the main part. The year 2003. It's downfalls and rises. How do I do this... how about I tell you what I thought of MY year. It IS my blog. So it kinda makes sense that i'd post shit about ME...

JANUARY, 2003

I wanna go home,
Take off this uniform
And leave the show,
Cos i'm waiting in this cell,
And I have to know,
Have I been guilty all this time...

Anyone who knew me very well knew I started the year with a REALLY hard challenge. Self-imposed mind you. I had signed up for a 3 week Big Brother style project for University, where i'd be living in the confines of a 3 roomed flat built specifically for the project, with 3 other guys, for 3 weeks. We wouldn't see the light of day, we'd have all our food and drink paid for, we'd be living on 28 hour days... it was a VERY fucked up thing for me to do. But the fact I was getting paid £400 for it was kinda tantalising. Though I didn't even know about the money when i first signed up for it, I was genuinely going to do it just because of the experience. I needed that time to sort things out in my head. I had people careening in and out of my mind, all with little things that were either bothering me or that I basically needed to sort out with them.

The experiment itself was VERY rocky. Amongst the experiences in there, I had to spend all my time in there with a probe 10 cms up my arse (Cleaning that when I needed a shit WASN'T pretty), we were rushed out of the building at one time due to a fire on the outside of the ground floor which then destroyed our water and heating, which meant we had to get moved elsewhere, we had run-ins with Tesco's who fucked up nearly every order of food we did, we had no TV because we couldn't get a signal, and I also had a Manc as a flatmate who I had no prob with until he decided he'd badmouth everything possible about Liverpool as often as he could. To say he was a twat would be an understatement. He was a fucking bastard.

The experience went by in a flash, even tho I was actually in there for 21 days. Would I do it again... well I AM hoping to sign up for Big Bro 5, so I guess that'd be a yes. I urge anyone to do something like this. It brings out qualities in you that you never knew existed and also makes you realise what to be thankful for, especially your closest friends and family. With its 3 week time period, this basically took up all of January for me.

FEBRUARY, 2003

Ticking away, the moments that make up a dull day,
Fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way,
Digging around on a piece of ground in your home-town,
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way...

I remember not a lot happening in Feb, but coming out of the Henry Cotton Uni Building after 3 weeks was REALLY unnerving. I'd barely had any contact with the outside world, so seeing everyone again was VERY nerve-wrecking. It took me a good while before I could settle back into life again, but when i did, it came naturally again. And I WAS a changed man because of my experience.

I MET STEVE-O!!! :P Of Jackass fame. You MUST know Steve-O??? He's the cool dude who says, "Yeah dude!" all the time, and wears leopard skin thongs and injects vodka into his veins. he's the man. And I got to hug his sweaty naked chest! Defining!!! he also signed a shirt of mine which i've only ever wore twice. it's currently locked up in my wardrobe, eagerly awaiting its next showing off... Steve-O was a pure gentlemen. He spoke to my mum over the phone for 5 minutes, signed everything I wanted, and told these girls to fuck off who were making arses of themselves. Steve-O... I salute you.

One thing that DID happen in February, came at the end... when my 3 month cough started... (Shudders at the memories)

MARCH, 2003

If I fell in love with you,
Would you promise to be true,
And help me, understand?
Because i've been in love before,
And I found that love was more,
Than just, holding hands...

(First of all, I just posted a HUGE fucking update for March, and then this bastard fucking lost it. I FUCKING HATE BLOGGER SOMETIMES!!! YOU fucking waste of space bastard twat!!!)

Ahem. Now I can’t even remember how I started March because of this stupid fucking site. ARGH!!! Oh well, let’s start again…

So, March 10th came, and I was on a night out to the KH. I went to Andy’s, as is the norm with our lot. Sat off on his bed with a dorky suit on (well, dorky to you lot! :P ), I was just chatting to Blakely. Kate all of a sudden walked in, with this unknown lady. My heart skipped a beat. This woman, whoever she was, was STUNNING. Me and Andy exchanged glances as if to say, “Where the fuck did Kate find this babe???”. She was visibly shy, and looked extremely edgy perched on the edge of Andy’s bed. She probably thought she’d gone insane listening to me and Blakely exchanging chat on masturbation and sex. As is per usual with us. So nothing was said.

We got the KH, and I thought I’d dive head first and asked her if she’d ever been before to which she quietly replied it was her first night. I felt kinda sorry for her heading into this eternal sweat pit with us lot, but I like to think that we always make newcomers feel welcome, and I intended on making this one feel very welcome. The night started, we talked a little bit more about various shit, she even told me a secret which in the KH would be nothing short of suicide (I remember! :P) and by the end of the night, she’d enchanted me so much that I just HAD to ask for her number. Maybe I was overstepping the mark, but I just had to try. I WANTED to see this girl again. She gave me her number. Mine and Sarah’s friendship had begun.

The next week or two consisted of the odd txt between the two of us, but nothing too major, just friendly banter. The 27th was looming, and t’would be the staff night for Spencer Gifts UK, where I was working at the time (RIP SGU). We were going the KH!!! How the fuck did that happen? I think it was Gemma wanting to give the KH a try, despite her being the slightest nervous about the prospect of going to that haven for pit-fiends. But first of all…

My baby brother Alex was born midday. This, and the night’s events to come, would make March 27th the greatest day of my life. He was born midday, and I even got to hold him in my arms before I made my way to the KH. It’s an unrivalled feeling being able to hold someone in your arms who you know to be your brother or sister. It’s really up there with… finding your true love and knowing you’ll spend the rest of your lives together. He was amazing, gorgeous, and made me feel so proud to be in this family. I had a feeling that his birth was a sign of good things to come and by jove was I so very right…

So me and Mike Worthington made our way there together, and got there for 9pm. BIG mistake. The place was EMPTY. We felt stupid sitting there together, but we stuck it out while we waited for Karen and Gemma to turn up. When they finally did, they found us playing pool on the K2. The night unwound itself, and Karen was blowing all her hard-earned cash on drinks for us lowly Spencer skum. While on the K3, I turned to see Kate and Sarah. It took my breath away. She was here??? Kate hadn’t even told me she would be out! I knew I had to go over there, if only to say hello. So I did. And ended up spending the rest of my night with Sarah. It was the closest I’d been to anyone since splitting up with my first girlfriend, GH. And it felt so amazing. Here I was, plain ol’ Carl, kissing the most beautiful woman I’d ever saw. It was the stuff teen movies are made of. You know, the ones where they have the one guy who everyone feels sorry for? It was GREAT. Sarah was beautiful, she had the cutest smile, she did the sweetest thing wher… am I making you gag?? :P Let’s just say she enchanted me with her appearance, and her personality was so addictive. I’d found my dream girl, yet how would I know if she thought ANYTHING of me?

The next few days consisted of me and her txting eachother. We ended up agreeing to go to see the new film, ‘Just Married’ at the Odeon in town on the 5th of April.

APRIL, 2003

Because there’s something about you,
Baby,
So right…

So we went to see the film. We kissed through most of it, and I also kept running in and out of the toilets due to my piss-taking cough. If you know Sarah, ask her how bad my cough was. It was unreal. Never experienced anything as cruel as it before (or so I thought…). Anywho, it felt good to have such attention from a lady, especially one who I was developing strong feelings for. By the end of the night, we’d agreed to give a relationship a try, and I was officially with my second girlfriend. I got home, told my mum, she was thrilled, our Lee was doubtful (thanks to my first girlfriend), and my dad was probably pissed as a fart. But it was the start of something for me, something which I could finally invest all of this pent up love into. I was looking forward to the future, but have to admit that at the time I was VERY nervous about fucking things up. It was possible. Anything is. We all know that. So I was trying my best to make things special for her. We did the staying over thing a little, but not too much, because we didn’t want to overdo it. As for sex… well that’s one thing you WON’T be finding out about in this update. Even I have my secrets…

Meanwhile, in the background, university was in full flow, and my cough was doing all it could to make a show of me. I couldn’t do presentations because of it, had to miss so many lessons that it took the piss, and looking back, the little fucker definitely made an impression on my end of year grades. But I was still trying to work around it, regardless of it’s consistency.

By this time, Alex had come home, and it felt SO weird to have a new member of the family in the house. Butch, the dog, found it all rather intriguing. He had NO idea what the hell this little dude was. But he still accepted him without much hassle. Life felt so good for the first time in a year. I was happy. EXTREMELY.

MAY, 2003

You're my favourite thing - the one that I love
You're the one so I'd die for your love

This was when me and Sarah had started to settle down, and get over eachothers little habits and oddities. We all have them, it’d be ridiculous to say you didn’t. But it’s those that make life beautiful. Noticing something about a loved one that anyone else wouldn’t see is such a special thing. It makes you feel like you’re part of your own personal secret club with your partner. It’s a wonderous feeling.

So I was happy, Uni was rounding off, and my coughing was hilarious. I’d walk into a test, my cough would be mild, I’d sit down and cough heavily all the way through, the test would end and waddya know? It’d ease off. Why does life treat us like that? Bastard sod’s law. Or something like it anyway.

What else can I say. May was an extremely loved up time for me. We went for meals which were very romantic, went the cinema god knows how many times, it just felt so right. I had someone who I could rely on for anything, if I needed them, if they needed me, etc. It was just good to feel wanted again. After experiencing love, being single can be a killer. With Gemma, it didn’t affect me so much because we both agreed to split, but later on it still kept creeping back into my mind, before I got with Sarah. I WAS single. No-one out there was wondering where I was, how I was, nor did they want to be with me. To have this person there, it’s like a godsend. At least to me it is. I’m sure there’s some dicks out there who don’t appreciate a good woman. I know I do.

JUNE, 2003

Ah honey won't you say that I'm the one
And if you think you're gonna run
Well you know

I'm gonna be around you, all about you
Always by your side
I'm gonna dream about you, scheme about you
Love you all the time
I'm gonna catch you lady, catch you lady yeah

My brother’s birthday on the 4th came and went. I vaguely remember going to Blakes bar with Sarah, Kate, lee and all his mates. It was simply fun. :) Pool, drinks, jolly harmless banter, the usual student typical style really. Lee was finally 18!!! He could go the KH whenever he wanted now! But he didn’t. And still never does. GAH!!! He waited all this time and now doesn’t bother. Ah well, if the need ever arises, I’m sure he’ll take up the opportunity.

Some lovely news for the start of June, Spencers was closing down! I'd be out of the best job ever!!! 6 weeks we were given. the girls were in tears, the lads didn't seem to give a shit except me and Graham who were seriously gutted. But as the strong team we always were, we were there for eachother in the startup to what would eventually be a sad closedown...

My cough went! Rejoice! Guess what! I developed tooth ache! Oh fuck! Typical really. Get rid of one pain in the throat, replace it with one in the mouth. And this tooth ache would last about 2 months. I am very serious. And you know WHY it lasted 2 months? Because my dentist was a fucking nutcase who’s X-rays were telling him my teeth were fine. My bottom teeth, I was CONVINCED it was my bottom teeth that were killing me. The agony was unbearable, but I lived. Just about. Sarah was my rock, being there for me with every niggling sore.

Cracks were forming already. Me and Sarah weren’t 100%. And at the same time, I wasn’t sure why. She was suggesting a few cooling off periods, thinking we were rushing things, whereas I told her there was only such thing as rushing when you compared your relationship to other couples. Was I wrong? Looking back I’m not sure. I don’t know ANYONE who thinks like I did, about how we can go at whatever ‘speed’ we want, but Sarah definitely had a problem with how we’d progressed, and I know this happens with a LOT of relationships. I just wasn’t seeing it though. Why I am so oblivious in that sense is beyond me. She was justified (don’t be so qui…) in feeling like this though. We were staying at each other’s nearly every single weekend, and even during the week too. We were seeing each other and speaking to each other every single day. I’m sure some people out there would agree with Sarah that we had moved too quickly, and she was definitely in the right to suggest that we should cool off. I was just too self-centered to see it. I was more concerned with having fun and not losing this girl, then actually working at keeping things right. My stupid fault. We all make mistakes, and we all learn from them. Well, we SHOULD do!!! :)

JULY, 2003

Floating, bumping, noses dodge a tooth
The fins aluminous fangs all ’round
The clam is dark below the boulders hiding all
The sunlight’s good for us

Sarah and I agreed to go on a brief separation, just to see how things went with a bit of space between us. It was hell for me. No kissing, no touching, no getting too close… I felt like I was punishing myself for something I hadn’t done. But I could see why we needed it. I could see moreso why Sarah did. I didn’t know what was to happen, but at the end of month, Sarah told me she wanted to split up with me. We had a really long talk, and I convinced her to stick with it for a little longer, see if we could iron out the problems, and get back on track. She agreed to try, and try we did.

You’ve got to do this for a relationship. If someone wants out, don’t just let it happen. Work around it. See if you can fix it. Don’t give up because things seem hard on you. As the doc says, “If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.” Relationships are there to be nurtured, to be saved, and to be embraced. Worship them. Not everyone gets the opportunity to have what I felt like I have. Some people live their lives never feeling love. I feel so sorry for them because love is such a beautiful experience. It’s so personal and yet at the same time so enveloping. If you see an opportunity to grasp love by the hands, please take it. We’re not here on this planet long. You gotta take it and run.

Spencers closed. Items on the last day were going for 10p each by the time we were closing!!! TEN FUCKING PENCE!?!?!?!?! I’m serious. People had become vultures, and were swooping on down, looking to buy any pieces of useless shit they could get their hands on, even including the equipment and shelving we had in the shop. It was sad, and frustrating. Here was a shop which offered the city an alternative for presents. Sick of the same shitty ol’ pressies? Ya could go to Spencer Gifts and buy Lava Lamps, heavy metal merchandise, gag cards, silly sex toys, masks, superhero toys… there was so much, and it was a really incredible shop with an absolutely fantastic team, consisting of I, Mike W., Mike K., Graham, Karen, Vicky, Gemma, and Natasha. I miss them all even today, because they were the greatest guys I worked with. I loved ya’s all, and ya’s made me laugh on so many times. It closed down on the 26th.

31st July and I finally had my teeth out!!! I ended up having them out in the Dental Hospital after my usual dentist had drilled and filled about 4 teeth with no success. He really couldn’t see the problem. He did this to my bottom teeth. I went the Dental Hospital. They told me it was the top set of teeth. I felt like screaming out there and then. Anyway, I had the teeth taken out and was overjoyed. The pain had gone, but I’d went to Sarah’s afterward and the blood clots were unpleasant as was the endless stream of blood flowing round my mouth. Still, it was worth it for the pain I guess. So I had lost my job, but I’d also at least lost my pain. Not much else I could lose was there?

AUGUST, 2003

Good-bye to you,
Charlotte Pringle’s due,
I've had enough for one day…

August 1st came, and Sarah decided we could go no further. I’ll admit that to this day I don’t fully understand why she split up with me, but I COULD see that she needed it. She really didn’t have it in her anymore and she even looked exhausted. I could do nothing but accept it, and face having to be single again. It was VERY hard for me to have to let her go, but I had to.

Before we split, I’d agreed to go to London with her and her parents for a few days. Even after we split, she still wanted me to go. I was really unsure about it, but she said it’d make her happier if I were there. So I went for it. It wasn’t perfect. It was VERY tricky because all of a sudden, less than a week after we split, we were all of a sudden just friends. However, I did really enjoy London. The sights were magnificent, I got LOADS of footage on camera (Still sitting on my bedside cabinet) and it was overall a very enjoyable journey.

Returning home, I felt empty. That was it. London was the last thing me and Sarah had had planned so I was on my own now. That’s when it hit me. And depression slowly took over. My mates were there for me, but anyone knows that when you’re down, you can be REALLY down. I was so upset about losing her, my brother thought I was going to slash my wrists. Nice imagery! I’m not one for suicide. I’m too lazy to do it. ;) But yeah, times were hard for me. Some people would say they were only hard because I LET myself be brought down. I don’t know now. Maybe I did bring it all down upon myself. Either way, it was the worst I ever felt. Ya know, I’m just going to go straight to September, because this is going to end up looking like some shitty nu-metal suicide filled tune.

SEPTEMBER, 2003

Where will you be when you’re not here,
How many lives in this earth-time…

Actually, on second thoughts, I just come to September and realised it was one long month of depression. Yeah, I really did let it get to me that badly. I was such a recluse. My mum and dad got pissed with me staying in my room all the time on my own. Hey, what else could I do (actually, being where I am now, I realise what I should have done, but I suppose you could forgive me for being like I was), I just wanted to withdraw into myself. If you don’t know what I’m saying, trust me, one day you will.

I was keeping in touch with Sarah, which I also think was a bad idea at the time. If you need to get over someone, you have to stop communicating with them for a while. At least that’s my opinion. Speaking to her when I did just furthered my desire to be with her again. I was just torturing myself. And worst of all, University wasn’t starting again till the very last few days of the month. I had nothing to do but think about what I had. Sod’s law again!!!

I DID get a new job tho… with Contraband discount stores. Which was SHIT. One or two of the staff were fantastic, like Roy, Kayleigh, and Donna, amongst others, but the job was awful, VERY demanding, and the management couldn’t accept that my University would have to come before their work. It was never going to work, but Uni wasn’t to start for nearly a month so I thought fuck it. And did it. But not for long.

OCTOBER, 2003

It's me again, insignificant me again,
Just me again and my broken heart.
How can I love again,
Now she's gone again,
I'm on that ship again,
Called a sinking heart.

Oh I am so lonely,
I'm the man who would kill for love.
I'd kill for love!
Oh, I am a phoney Valentino.
The man who would kill for,
Man who would kill for
Man who would kill ...for love!

So, Uni started, I got myself a job, and I’d finally started to feel less depressed. I would like to take the time here to thank one person. She took me aside one night in the Krazy House, and we stood talking on a sweaty heavy metal filled dance floor. I was pissed, she was wise and helpful, and she helped me in a way that no other person could. Skippy, YOU were my saviour. You lifted me up so high from the gloom I’d thrust myself into. You’ll never realise just what you did for me, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to convince you that what you did for me was more than anyone else ever has. But you did. And it was. You’re an absolute credit to society, and this world. I’ll never find another of you, and because of that, I feel so honoured to even know you. Granted, we may not see each other a lot, but you’re always in my thoughts whatever you do. I’ll never be able to start thanking you enough… thank you.

At the end of October, me and Sarah had a huge argument. Mainly over something that I couldn’t deal with. I told her I never wanted to speak to her again, not until this thing was ‘resolved’. I put that in quotations because it was only MY opinion of a resolution. Whereas for her, it was something that she wouldn’t be able to do in a split second. I WAS asking so much of her, and I didn’t realise how hard it would have been for her to do it. I was selfish. That’s love for you. Was I an arsehole? She’d tell you not (I think!!!), but I dunno, I guess I came across as forcing my desires upon her. Another mistake I ended up learning from.

University! Bag of shite! This semester made me realise I hate University, but what the fuck, I’m halfway through, I may as well try and get my degree now. Be pointless quitting now. But it is hella annoying. The students are so fake, the lecturers can be very demanding at times (I know what’s expected in Uni, but sometimes even THIS is too much), and the work can be pretty extreme at times. But it’s my fault I let myself in for it. It’s my problem, and I deal with it by forcing myself to sit through these tiresome lectures. But I should thank my lucky stars, there’s hundreds out there who wished they’d have done what I was doing, if only they could turn back the hands of time. In that respect, I’m VERY grateful, for what I have. But we are allowed to hate something, regardless of how sought after it is by others.

NOVEMBER, 2003

I have seen the passion
That's in the hope that everyone
Will find their way into
The secret of
The home of your heart

My birthday came on the 2nd and I reached 20. My life felt empty still, but it was VERY slowly improving. Sarah wasn’t in my life at the moment and I wasn’t letting it get to me, which felt good that I could actually resist that desire of mine so much. I was looking for someone else, but only because I wanted someone there. I’d have had anyone, I was desperate! I have so much love to give, and when it bubbles away inside you, not finding a home, it can be very distressing. But I found no-one.

I went to see Bottom 5 LIVE!!! Rik Mayall and Ade Edmondson are comedy legends. However, they ARE a very acquired taste. You either love them or you hate them. Me? I worship the ground they walk. Bottom 4 hadn’t been that good when I went to see it, surely 5 would be better? But it wasn’t. It was pretty much identical to the 4th. How can you have 3 of the greatest live comedy shows ever, and follow them up with these 2? Still, any chance I get to see Rik and Ade is a chance worth taking. And it’s always nice to see your heroes on stage. :) May you two forever be comic gods!

Near the end of November, it had been 6 weeks since I last spoke to Sarah. I was speaking to Kate online and she told me that Sarah had been asking about me. I don’t know why, but I felt compelled to get in touch with her again. And I did. But I was extremely worried about if I was letting myself in for a whole world of hurt again. Thankfully I weren’t. We started speaking and she seemed to be OK. I could go into what happened between us more, but I have to respect her privacy, and all of it was private. Let’s say that we started speaking again, and since that, we’ve been pretty good.

Contraband were fucking me about. I needed a weekday off, they gave me it, 3 hours later they got back in touch with me telling me they didn’t need me in the weekend either. I was confused, so asked them when they WOULD need me.

“We’ll call you when we need you.”

2 and a half weeks later they still hadn’t called. Fuck this I thought! So I asked our Lee and Blakely about getting a job in their newsagents opposite Alder Hey (Thorougoods, 3 bottles of 2Litre coke for £3, fantastic!). The ‘interview’ went something like this:

Boss: So, have you had any shop experience?

Me: Well, I HAVE worked in shops for the last 3 years…

Boss: Right, the job’s yours.

Don’t you just LOVE it when a plan comes together like that? :D Fan-fucking-tastic! I stand round all day doing fuck all, reading shit, serving customers every so often and that’s it! To what do I owe the pleasure??? :)

3 days later, Contraband phoned up. ROFLMAOWTFBBQ!!! I was dying to laugh as they asked me if I’d come in for the weekend.

Leanne: Hi Carl, it’s Leanne from Contraband.

Me: Oh, er… alright.

Leanne: I was wondering if there was any chance that you could come in tomorrow?

Me: Well, actually, I’ve got a new job now.

Leanne: Oh… right.

(Cue 5 seconds of deadly silence.)

Leanne: Alright then, well thanks anyway!

(CLICK)

(Me pissing myself)

As I said, don’t you love it when a plan comes together???

DECEMBER, 2003

I want to sing
To sing my song
I want to live in a world where I'll be strong
I want to live
I will survive
And I believe that it won't be very long…

Finally, le end. That’s French, for ‘the end’. Ahem. What can I say about this past month? I HAVE got to meet two of the most darling specimens out there in Leanne and Vicky (Also mentioned in my opening paragraph). These two keep me going at times, and always have time for me. You BOTH make me laugh, and I think ya’s are fantastic. We’ve only just started to get to know each other, but I’m sure we WILL bond even more as time flies. Here’s to a great 2004! We’ll keep it up with our lovely visits to ze Barracuda, our MSN chats, our dirty txt’s… god ain’t life good? :P

My job’s going good. I love it. The staff are great, it’s piss easy, and I am barely in there. It’s VERY perfect for me. I’m enjoying it so much and hope it keeps on trucking.

Me and Sarah are pretty good at the mo. We won’t be back together any time soon, if ever, but I’m just happy that she’s in my life. I told myself I didn’t want to speak to her, and for me it was a form of self torture. It was silly of me to do it, but it’s out of my system now. I can get on with patching things up between us, and again, it’s going good. I absolutely love you Sarah, and can’t imagine what my life would be like without you. At all. Zilch. Diddly-squat. It’d be worse than anything. At least having you as a friend is the next best thing to actually being with you, and for that, I am extremely grateful. Thank you so much.

I don’t want to talk about xmas, because it was a hard time for me.

And finally, the KH tonight for me and New Years Celebrations! Oh pure fuck-yah hooyah!!!

The end…

Oh... my... god. I'm so fucking exhausted. I need to go out and get pissed. I hope you enjoyed that, sure it was depressing at times, but what can I say, 2003 was a tricky year for me. VERY tricky. i didn't mention University much because it bores me stiff to talk about it. Now I WAS going to do shout outs and resolutions but people, that post has just took so much out of me that there's no way i could possibly further it by shouting to everyone who means a lot to me, OR post my unresolutions, SO... i'm going to do them tomorrow.

(Dodges the hurl of tomato's and bricks.)

Hey, watch it!!! Give me a breather!!! I promise, they WILL go up!!! CHRIST!!! Just behave... and if you think you should be getting a shout out... you probably will... now, i'm off to get pissed, and hopefully also pissed. Bonjour!!! AND....

HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!! From me and the insatiable <('. '<), who without, i would not have any of those fantastic usernames that you see frequenting my person everytime I'm on MSN. Kirby, you're the bumnotes!!!

Song of the moment: Brian Kennedy - You Take My Breath Away

Just a quick update before I go to bed. I do understand what you're saying about wakes. It is all rather queer as to why following a funeral everybody goes all hootenanny and has a big fuck-off piss-up. However, in my case, I totally understand it. My family's always been full of bastards who either deserved to die or I never saw enough of them to care. A piss-up for such a personin my family? Too fucking right. But that funeral you mention in your blog sounded a very tricky affair. My condolences go to his mother, and may the rest of her life be prosperous and happy. It sounds like she's earned it.

Oh yeah, tune in later today when my New Years update WILL be going up. It'll be a long, fun, maybe heart-breaking at times, oscar winner of a blog. Be there or be a dickhead. Etc.

PS: I WILL give a shout out the lovely ladies who I met last night in that very same blog, so do be patient! :P

Song of the moment: Rush - The Color of Right

What a few days...

Went out Friday to La Bateau with Blakely, Andy, Pete, Kate, Laura and I have to admit that i was yet again VERY disappointed in the place. i think it doesn't matter who you go with, you're going to have a shit time either way. Still, I suppose this is just me we're talking about, but then Laura also said to me that she wishes she'd gone the Krazy house instead. What is wrong with La Bateau? It's just shite. the music's not TOO bad, but when the kinda songs from the Barracuda come on, that's when you know something's wrong. So yeah, shite night, average music, awful prices, overall a very shit night.

What happened over the weekend... er, fuck all! As is per usual. So how do I make this update work? WELL, I suppose I did seem to be suffering from some kind of insomnia. I think. At least I know i weren't getting to sleep until like 11am and 10am on saturday and sunday morning. What the fuck was happening to me? WELL, after a fantastic night's sleep last night, I figured it out. To cut a long story short, the past was creeping up on me in my bed, and it was refusing me my tired timeouts. Don't ya hate it when the past does that? Still, a phone call and a nice image soon fixed that for me, and I slept like a baby last night. It feels weak of me to admit that i'm letting the absence of a person affect my sleep, and I guess my life too. but people touch us all in different ways, little and large. Some of us don't let it affect us too much, whereas people like me take in a person's beauty and splendour to the max, and recognise a person for who they are and not what they are. I can't help it if you mean the world to me, nor if your absence means me losing my sleep. I just care for you in that way. That's my way of dealing with you. If you're not there, I sulk. Tho in this case, it was my fault that you weren't there.

Cryptic hey? Gotta love it! :D

What did I buy today... when the HELL was this live Silverchair album announced??? Cos I never heard ANYTHING about it, yet there's me and my bro Lee walking round HMV, and lo and behold there was this huge Silverchair 2cd/2dvd box set staring at me. WHAT THE FUCK??? So I snapped it up quicker than you can say 'supercalifragilisticexpyhalitocis'. £17.99 is a fucking bargain for that, too fucking right it is. Listening to it now and Mr. Johns sounds fantastic in it. He's got the second best voice I ever heard after Rush's Geddy Lee. So that was nice, and I also bought the Confessions of a Dangerous Mind DVD, the Life of David Gale DVD, and Jewel's limited edition 'Spirit' album, which I can't wait to give a listen to. What's that you say? ME? Listen to Jewel? Fuck you, she's fantastic, not as good as Sarah McLachlan of course, but she's still a beautiful singer with some fantastic lyrics. What's that you say? You haven't heard of Sarah or Jewel? Fucking give them a try then, doesn't take much to download some of their music. Surely if they mean a lot to this prog rock loving son of a bitch, they MIGHT work for you. You never know until you try, and trying never killed anyone.

A few peeps have been asking me if i'm going to be posting anything for the end of the year. Yes I am. But at the end of the year!!! it's not fucking New Years Eve yet, so give me a chance. I'm gonna post how my year went, what I would like to see happen next year, post a few heartfelt feelings toward certain people (You know who you are), and most of all... it's Auto's New Years UnResolutions again! if you don't know what i'm talking about, check out last new years update, and you'll understand. An 'UnResolution' is a promise you make for yourself, which you don't have to actually carry through... because it's a UNresolution, and not a resolution, i.e. it's for those of us who just KNOW we won't stick to that diet or quit smoking them tar filled tubes. 31st December. Be here for what could potentially be my most explosive / boring blog yet... hooyah.

Song of the moment: Jewel - Kiss the Flame
Movie of the moment: Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

Just a quick blog, it's just such a shame going round everyone's blogs and not seeing many getting updated. Remember folks, a blog is not just for life, it's for christmas too!!! :P

So it's Christmas Day again. I remember updating this blog last year with all the shit I got back then. It's more or less the same now, clothes, DVD's, games, deo's/aftershaves, the usual stuff really. All appreciated of course! But strangely, no movie DVD's!!! What the FUCK happened there? I suppose I DID only say to my mum that if I got DVD's i'd be happy... bah, I really gotta watch how I rephrase my sentences next time. Oh, and they also didn't wake me up for Xmas Dinner!!!! Unbelievable! My annual roast dinner went amiss!!! Shocking... still, least i'm alive. I suppose THAT'S always a good thing. :)

Anyways, I hope you're all enjoying Christmas. Next, New Year's... oh boy...

Song of the moment: INXS - I Need You Tonight
Movie of the moment: Wayne's World 2

I just want to make a quick apology in regard to my last update. Things are just bad for me at the moment, and i've let them get to me. Again, sorry. I'm going to be doing a proper Xmas Day update later, so hang on for that, and I promise, it WILL be cheerful. :)

Song of the moment: Beautiful Occupation - Travis

I just recieved a sharp shock to the system from a face I didn't expect to see for quite some time.

Fuck it. I was going to post some huge update about how i'm really fed up with everything at the moment but I don't even have the enthusiasm for that. Let's just hope 2004's a whole lot fucking better than this year was. I think it's about time I received some good luck of any fucking kind.

I'd like to think I could type up a positive blog, what with the holiday season and it being Xmas Eve, but i'm feeling really shitty due to one HELL of an annoying fucking cough. I HATE COUGHS!!! I had a 3 month long one from March to the end of June!!! Haven't I had enough to last me for a few years? COUGHS!!! Fuck off.

Anyways, see if I can save this slowly dying update. One of my fellow bloggers, Skippy, has updated with a very honest well-wishing update, and it means the world to me to be included in such a list with other literary legends. Hmmm. That's almost pompous of me... ALMOST. Anyways, i'd like to think I will have a better year in 2004. 2003 weren't bad. Well at least the first half weren't. The second half saw me reach an all-time low and it was the likes of you Skip who kept me from burrowing deeper inwards. I couldn't have done it without the advice you gave me. That's not to say others didn't help me, because a lot of you who read this did, but it was Skip who really hit me where I needed to be hit. It's that kind of person that can do that for you. the kind of person who won't hold back on their true feelings and emotions, because they know that presenting themselves as being as honest and genuine as they can gives people around them a well-needed authentic mind. I always thought I was like you Skip, but 2003 taught me that i'm never going to be treated seriously by people who really need to take me that much more serious. It's mostly my fault, but hey, i'm not going to all of a sudden stop being who i am just so i can try and convince someone that they're making a terrible mistake in regards to their life. If they don't want to listen to me, their loss, I can always wait for the person who DOES want to hear what i think.

Thanks a lot Skip, it made this ol' coughing fucker a whole lot happier to read your thoughts. :) You're a true saint amongst a world of sinners.

Song of the moment: Alex Lifeson - I Am the Spirit

Brace yourself... upcoming is one llllllllllllloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng ass blog.

I guess I should start off by talking about the Xmas night out I had with 'The Kids of the Krazy House'. I don't know how to describe the night... it was fun, no question about that! I had a laugh with the gang, and I definitely got a little too tipsy. Who did I see? Drum roll please...

Lady H, Skippy, Kayte, Jenny Anne, Velvet and her fella, Snarlie, Nick and his good lady Joey, DDevil and his lady gemma, Ickle Pickle, Patchie, Paula, Becki, Blakely as always, Phil, Flyynie, Lizzie (She SO needs to get fucked by me), Sam, Faye, their friend with the big tits (Why do I ALWAYS forget her name???), Kate and her friend fresh from a Mathew St. night out (Shudders), Bin Boy, and i'm sure there were many more faces that i've forgotten but hey, it was a good list wasn't it???

So yeah, good night, everyone was cheerful, loads of pics taken which so far have made me look even scarier than I already am, and if ever the opportunity arises again, i would more than definitely go on another 'Kids' night out. It was absolutely play-doh.

What else has been happening in my life... I seem to have a stalker. Here's the txt's this person's sent me so far:

I kno where u live dead man

?? A real psycho is easy 2 fit in! U have prob seen me but dont know me really? Hehe

The message I just sent 2 Auto! He asks me who I was! "?? A real psycho is easy 2 fit in! U have prob seen me but dont know me really? Hehe" i'm tryin 2 fuck with his head! Hehe

not telling? Hehe! I know who u r though! "AUTO!" :)

Ok

Dont fuck with me! I'll c u soon! "Auto!" :)

In the krazyhouse! N other places! Just around!

C ya soon! :)

Strange really. I'm in the frame of 2 minds about this really. One, it could be this REAL nutcase who used to stalk me, until we got the police involved and she stopped it. Or two, it could simply be one of my mates fucking me about. Though they don't seem the kind to do something like the above. My favourite part? the 3rd message down which looks like it was supposed to be sent to someone else, but the sender sent it to me by what looks to me to be a mistake. Fantastic. only in the world of txting could such a fucking stupid mistake take place. :D Anyways, I WAS going to post the person's mobile number up on this blog, but fuck it, it'd end up being more hassle than it's worth. And it's Xmas after all. It is intriguing tho... they seem so sure that they WILL see me. Fucking pains in the arses.

Gary Jules got to no.1! Fantastic! it's about time we had a genuine christmas no.1 that wasn't about Christmas. Any song that is about Christmas that gets to no.1 has just took the easy route. mr. Jules? Not him. he did it the hard way. No-one had ever heard of him (Unless you were like me, who'd had his music on his PC for over a year now) but he still beat those annoying fuckers, The Darkness. Blakely and Lee! Come celebrate with me! Jules hit no.1! Huzzah!

Been pondering the prospect of spending yet another Christmas as a single person. It's not nice. But not a whole lot one can do really. I just hope that next year I won't have this again. I really need to find someone who will be there for me through thick and thin, and won't give up on me easily. Considering my longest relationship has only been 6 and a half months, it's safe to say I haven't experienced the full taste of love yet. It's on my 'to do' list that's for sure.

Anything else... i'm sure there is, but it's always so hard after writing a long blog to remember what that other thing was. if I DO remember, be sure to see the fucker posted before the night draws in... adieu.

Song of the moment: Gary Jules - Mad World

just finished reading Pete's last two days worth of blogs, and I must say I was pleasantly intrigued by what he had to say. Nothing in particular, more the style. I like it. It's sweet. He maybe pushes it a little too far at times, but he more than makes up for it with the rest... I eagerly wait to see where this blog goes next year.

My happiness at the moment would be complete with a ladies love. However, since Sarah split up with me, i'm finding it so hard to garner anything that even remotely resembles love from another woman and it made me feel today like I should just give up for now. That's what I did after me and gemma split up. Ya have to get over not being with someone, and when that happens, you can try getting someone else, or just forget it and try and enjoy single life for a while. With Gemma, I more or less got over her instantly, while with Sarah it took a hell of a long time to get over her, before I decided to try and ease the pain with someone elses love, and now i'm at the point where i've given up on it. Women out there don't seem to be falling for me, and they most definitely aren't making any attempt themselves to hit on me, so i've decided now, to just give up chasing. It worked last time with Gemma and Sarah in that, the moment I stopped hunting, I all of a sudden just struck it lucky with each of them. Gemma was no accident but Sarah... looking back, it's kinda amazing how I managed to get with that girl.

Anywho, i'm out of the game for now. Experience has taught me that when you stop hunting, everything falls into your lap. So let's see what happens. There's a new year coming soon and the feel of a fresh start will no doubt do wonders for a mind like mine. What will it bring? What will it take away? Who knows... but i'm looking forward to it after this taxing year. 2003 is going to go down as the toughest, and yet at the same time most rewarding year i've ever experienced. Would I do it all again? I honestly don't know. It feels like the good points don't outweigh the bad, and vice versa. Like at the end of it all I can look back and think, "I can't say it's been a good or bad year. It's just been one hell of a year." Don't get me wrong, there were far more better times than bad, but the bad times for me, they WERE bad. They're something i'm never going to forget either. But at least i've pulled through them and am now looking forward to the new year. I just sometimes wish this one could have been better, because if it had, it would likely have been the best i've ever lived.

Song of the moment: Simple Minds - Don't You Forget About Me
Movie of the moment: The Usual Suspects

how true is this? :D Enjoy!

i don't really get it, but LadyH suggested it so... here's my buzzometer???

I felt oddly compelled to type up a stinging attack against a lot of things in my life at the moment but then I took a step back and thought for a second. It's Christmas. It's quite simply Chrimbo. And it was this that made me take back my previous idea, and instead just go for a simple message.

Failure IS an option. It's just never the right one.

I shit my pants on Tuesday, metaphorically speaking of course... www.rush.com. I don't need to say anything else, especially if you know me very well. it's been 15 years boys! Here I come!!!!!!! :D

Oh, and a quick shout to to the lovely, beautiful, funny, and deeply respectful Leanne. Leanne is a lady who I met through my brother in arms, Mr. Abraham and through speaking to her, i've found her to be a very charming and upstanding citizen who is very quickly but surely becoming a firm friend of mine. Ma dear, you're yet another of these hard to find beacon's in this dark void we know as life. To coin a phrase of a fantastic group of philosophers, 'Shine on you Crazy Diamond'. And never die out.

And on that, I bid ye an adieu... oh, and some lyrics too. What ones was I considering putting on this update... er... shit, I can't remember. Oh well, i'll leave you with a set of others, but just as meaningful...

Rush - Mission

Hold your fire --
Keep it burning bright
Hold the flame
'Til the dream ignites --
A spirit with a vision
Is a dream with a mission

I hear their passionate music
Read the words
That touch my heart
I gaze at their feverish pictures
The secrets that set them apart

When I feel the powerful visions
Their fire has made alive
I wish I had that instinct --
I wish I had that drive

Spirits fly on dangerous missions
Imaginations on fire
Focused high on soaring ambitions
Consumed in a single desire

In the grip of
A nameless possession --
A slave to the drive of obsession --
A spirit with a vision
Is a dream with a mission...

I watch their images flicker
Bringing light to a lifeless screen
I walk through
Their beautiful buildings
And I wish I had their dreams

But dreams don't need
To have motion
To keep their spark alive
Obsession has to have action --
Pride turns on the drive

It's cold comfort
To the ones without it
To know how they struggled --
How they suffered about it

If their lives were
Exotic and strange
They would likely have
Gladly exchanged them
For something a little more plain
Maybe something a little more sane

We each pay a fabulous price
For our visions of paradise
But a spirit with a vision
Is a dream with a mission...

Song of the moment: Rush - Bravado
Movie of the moment: Citizen Kane

I have been posting loads of little individual updates with individual links lately. Hey, here's another one!

You know the Olsen twins, Mary-Kate, and Ashley? GET THIS. Here's a pic of one of them deep-throating... WARNING, COULD OFFEND THE EASILY... OFFENDED!!!

This trailer didn't only just blow me away, it made feel EXCITED about a film. I'm more excited about Spider-man 2 now than I am about this upcoming Lord of the Rings film... SPIDER-MAN 2. July 2nd. I CAN'T WAIT.

Song of the moment: Harry Nilsson - Coconut
Movie of the moment: Spider-Man 2

I did it in 8 seconds.
I deserved an A+!!
Take the How Dexterous Are You? Quiz!!

This picture is funny beyond words. Enjoy. :D

I was reading your blog from Thursday my friend, and I would just like to say it's absolutely no hassle. It's hard to see friends go through tricky times, and if I feel like they're happy to take in any advice, i'll give it to them. And I felt like you didn't mind such input. So I gave it. Looking back it feels a little small what I did, but hey, even the smallest of things can go so far to helping someone. :) Glad to see you're all fine now.

Had the worst night in work last night. As you may know, I now work in a newsagents right opposite Alder Hey. Anywho, last night consisted of a robbery of our Christmas tips box, me going round the back of the shop to find 5 10 - 12 yr old girls who'd given an adult money to buy a bottle of cider from our shop, and a group of scallies who hung around our shop for about 2 hours.

The robbery was so typical. Lad waits by till for his beer, door opens, he grabs the tips box, and runs out. I stand there behind the till with £200 in my hand, and don't move a muscle. What's the point? It wouldn't get me anywhere. But we do have the fucker on camera, CLEARLY on camera. Like, he stood by the till for a whole 2 minutes, with the camera right on him. How fucking stupid would you have to be?

As for the kids... let me give you a general idea behind our convo...

(I walk into alley and see 5 little figures standing there witha bottle on the floor)

Me: Did you just get someone to buy that from our shop?
Them: What?
Me: I said, did you get someone to buy that from our shop?
Them: No.
Me: Where did you get it then?
Them:...
Me: I just saw you running away when you saw me come out of the shop.
Them: You scared us.
Me: Why?
Them:...
Me: So, you always get scared when you see people walk out of a shop?
Them: No.
(I go to grab bottle.)
Me: Just don't do it again. There's a police station only over the road. It doesn't take much for me to go over there and get them to come over with me to get you.
(I turn round to go back to the shop.)
Them: Well, we want our money back.
(I stop in my tracks shaking my head.)
Me: Oh do you now?
Them: Well, you're taking the bottle, so we want our money back.
Me: Why don't you go over to the station instead, and tell the police why you want your money back?
(Girls look at eachother, before turning to leave.)
Them: Fuck this.
(Victory for the Auto Mother-Fucker)

It felt surprisingly good to have those fuckers where I wanted them. And that's in a totally non-pedophillic way by the way. I took the bottle back to the shop and Blakely, my very good friend had a huge smile on his face. Little fuckers.

As for the scallies... do I really need to dedicate a paragraph to the idea that a group of scallies pissed about outside for a few hours? Why DO scallies do that? Why??? It's beyond me. both the concept, and the attraction behind it. It's fucking ridiculous and it doesn't make you look cool. No, it makes you look fucking retarded.

So that was my night. I weren't going to go the KH after work, but after that night, i decided I HAD to. And the KH weren't bad. I was SO close to getting Lizzie behind the bar's number. Man she's one sexy mofo. I'd like to tap that arse one day. She's so gingerly smooth. Ahem.

Finally, take a look at this Advert Slogan Generator. Here's 5 that I ended up with...

Simple Impartial One Little Victory.
The Coolest Krazy House on Ice.
America's Most Trusted Gaylord.
Time for a Sharp Auto2112.
The Loudest Noise Comes From The Electric Wank.

I tells ya, the hours of fun you can have with this babe is unreal!!! :D

Song of the moment: Rush - Nobody's Hero
Movie of the moment: The Man Who Wasn't There

In response to Laura's mention about the Pink Floyd song 'Brain Damage'...

The lunatic is on the grass.
The lunatic is on the grass.
Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs.
Got to keep the loonies on the path.

The lunatic is in the hall.
The lunatics are in my hall.
The paper holds their folded faces to the floor
And every day the paper boy brings more.

And if the dam breaks open many years too soon
And if there is no room upon the hill
And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.

The lunatic is in my head.
The lunatic is in my head
You raise the blade, you make the change
You re-arrange me 'til I'm sane.
You lock the door
And throw away the key
There's someone in my head but it's not me.

And if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear
You shout and no one seems to hear.
And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.

"I can't think of anything to say except...
I think it's marvelous! HaHaHa!"

Now, let's have a looksie here ma dear...

The lunatic is on the grass.
The lunatic is on the grass.
Remembering games and daisy chains and laughs.
Got to keep the loonies on the path.

Tis a tricky first verse to get around this but as far as i'm concerned, the lyrics are simply talking about how the 'lunatic' is on their way to full madness. They're on the grass which could be one of two things. A reference to the start of their downfall into madness, because being on grass would symbolise an open air environment with plenty of space. As the next verse talks about the lunatic being in the hall, you can see how the environment around them has closed in. the games, daisy chains, and laughs sound like the lunatic is remembering his / her past for the last time before insanity takes it away from them forever, and keeping the loonies on the path is the only way this will happen.

The lunatic is in the hall.
The lunatics are in my hall.
The paper holds their folded faces to the floor
And every day the paper boy brings more.

A lot easier. I've already mentioned the hall becoming more encroached about the lunatic, therefore the madness is taking over. Their 'folded faces' is a reference to how fucked up their head has become, and as the paper holds their head down, it then implies the madness is there to stay as the paperboy is bringing more paper, thus increasing the weight of the madness.

And if the dam breaks open many years too soon
And if there is no room upon the hill
And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.

The obligatory chorus. The dam breaking open too soon means if you become mad at a very young age, whereas no more room means you're stuck in that one gap. Mad people very rarely change in character over years, so this implies that no-more's going into their head. i.e., they're fucked. the head exploding, again, another reference to becoming insane, and 'the dark side of the moon' is supposedly where all the loonies go, BUT the interesting thing here is that the singer says 'I'LL' see you. Is the singer mad?

The lunatic is in my head.
The lunatic is in my head
You raise the blade, you make the change
You re-arrange me 'til I'm sane.
You lock the door
And throw away the key
There's someone in my head but it's not me.

This verse would suggest that the singer IS insane after all, by starting off with the admission that the loonie has now took over the singers mentality. The blade line is a little intriguing... the fact there's a change made leads me to believe that with the next line about 'rearranging', the blade is being used to cut and slice away at the madness, and hopefully in the end 'rearranging' the singers brain until they're back to good ol' sanity again. I think I could be wrong with that tho, and it's a very tricky pairing. Locking the door and throwing away the key is pretty obvious in that this is exactly what the lunatic has done. Got into the singers head, locked the door, and thrown away the key, thus cementing the insanity. The last line needs no explanation.

And if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear
You shout and no one seems to hear.
And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.

This again deals with how what you find to be the norm, differs from what others think. You shout and no-one seems to hear, that's because they don't udnerstand what you're going on about, and as the band you're in are now playing different tunes, you'd be left thinking, "But why have they done this?" unaware due to your insanity that it's actually YOU who's made the change in person, and not them. I also see 'the band' as a metaphor for the world, and the 'different tunes' to be you shaping your world around you to suit your newfound insanity.

"I can't think of anything to say except...
I think it's marvelous! HaHaHa!"

This is actually just a spoken line, and not really part of the song, but again, it's nonsensical and fits the whole song, but also the concept behind 'The Dark Side of the Moon' perfectly.

Download this song. It's one of the greatest, and deals with insanity in a lighter than usual style. Pink Floyd - Brain Damage. Get it. Now.

Song of the moment: Brain Damage
Movie of the moment: The Man Who Wasn't There

Remember a week or two back I said:

Give me all your strength. I'm at the beginning of something which could take a very long time (No, not that bloody script!), and i need as much help I can get. You cannot know what it is, for it is something I must do on my own. If I accomplish my feat, you will be sure to hear about it (And trust me, you WILL know when it happens). Although not many of you have any idea what i'm talking about, I can tell you that this means more to me than anything out there, including fucking university, including whatever future prospects I may undertake, and anything else that resembles anything remotely similar to success.

be with me for my own little journey. i need you all there. Thank you. And no, i'm not drunk.

Yeah, that. Well, it's fell through. And I still won't say what it is. It's not embarrassing, but it's just too personal to me, and for once I don't feel like it's something I can just put on my blog. The right people WILL hear about it, but the rest of you, sorry. It's just something I have to keep to myself.

All I will say about it is that it's a shame, but for once, i'm not going to let myself get dragged down too far. I think you'll agree that this second half of the year has not been kind to me at all, so I guess it'd be pretty fucking dumb of me to bring myself down even further! But hey, if you're reading this, and i've said this a thousand times, but if you are reading this and you've got your desire set on something, then shoot for the sky! :) And never let go. We're here for one lifetime, about 70 - 80 years, and don't you think you'll regret it on your deathbed when you realise that you never took every chance you had? Exactly. It's just stupid. So realise your mistakes, learn from and do what your heart desires... BUT!!! Listen to those around you. They're there for a reason. Even if you're one of these who thinks, "IT'S MY LIFE!!! I CAN LIVE IT HOW I WANT!!!" always acknowledge that these people who question your choices are doing it for a sole reason; because they care for you.

And on that bombshell, and on a totally different sidenote, it's just over a week until 'The Kids of The Krazy House' go on their Xmas night out!!! :D I'd link to their, and our site, but I guess it's kinda on a 'know' status. As in, you 'know' them, and you ARE them! God, don't I sound like a member of the Dead Poet's Society??? :D

Song of the moment: Radiohead - Creep
Movie of the moment: Natural Born Killers

Just finished watching 'Meet the Parents', you know the film, with Ben Stiller and Robert De Niro? There's one scene in that film that stands out for me most, and it's when Greg / Gaylord, finally proposes to Pam? I dunno, there's just something so sweet about this scene. Here's a guy who for the rest of the film has totally turned his girlfriends family against him by setting the house on fire, by losing their cat and trying to fob them off with an imposter by spraypainting a lookalike cats tail black, and by convincing Robert De Niro that he 'puffs the Magic Dragon'. And yet in this one scene, she forgets all of this because it doesn't matter to her Greg's downfalls of the weekend, but that she loves him. And when he finally tells her how much she means to him... I guess i'm just a sucker for the romantic side of things, but I love it. it's a beautiful dialogue, and i'd even go so far as saying i'm envious. I'd love for one day to be able to put across such a speech to the girl of my dreams. To genuinely tell her that she means so much to me, and that I could never see myself with any other woman but her, because of how she makes me feel and because of how much I love her. To finally be able to whip out 'the ring', and hope that she gives that magical answer of yes. I say it like it's only me who dreams of such a scenario, but I guess not many of us are that vocal on our dreams. We should be. We only get the one stab at this. Say what you want to say, and tell us what you want. Just because you're honest doesn't mean you're 'different', but that you're genuine. It's a remarkable trait, and one that we should all adopt, instead of placing monikers upon ourselves in the hope that one day we will be accepted.

I don't know what the point of the above is. I guess it just goes to show that 'Meet The Parents' CAN have a profound effect on one... and you've gotta admit, that car race scene is fucking hilarious. :D

Song of the moment: Rush - Lock and Key
Movie of the moment: Meet The Parents

I feel I really oughta update this blog with something worthwhile, but for some reason i'm finding it hard to write anything worthwhile on here lately... give me a day or two, i've just got a lot of shit going on and i'll be back to my dirty ways sooner than later.

Song of the moment: Syd Barrett - Terrapin
Movie of the moment: Twister

http://www.snafu.com/Rotation.html

ARGH!!! My eyes!!! The Goggles, they do nothing!!!

Stranger's passing in the street,
By chance two seperate glances meet,
And I am you and what I see is me,
And do i take you by the hand,
And lead you through the land,
And help me understand the best I can...

Right, let's get something straight here bollox. if i'm paying for a ladies services, regardless of how little/large I spend, I would expect a reaction of which my penis would at least get a semi-on. And maybe the chance to jizz all over her tits... I am NOT paying £5, £10, or 50p, just to have some stripper wiggle her fucking hairy arse in my face, regardless of how slim, slender, and attractive she may be. The fact of the matter is, they don't give a shit who you are, or who gives them the money to 'shake dat booty', so long as they get paid. It's hardly service with a smile, and the only reason they smile at all when they're around is because they can smell the ink of the notes you have tucked away safely in your pocket. Strippers do fuck all for me, unless she happens to be my girlfriend, and the 'show' is taking place in my bedroom. In which case I will happily throw any sum of cash at her, because i'd know she thoroughly deserved it, and best of all i'd be looking at a ruddy good rogering afterward too. Strippers are sleazy. So's porn, but at least that's free. Strippers are as bad as people you loan money to, only to never give it back. they too provide fuck all of a service.

I'd like to think there was something else I might like to say, besides denouncing strip joints as being fleecers of hard working cash... no, there isn't. Bah, I hate it when you come to a Blog fully loaded and the material drops out like Flynny in La Bateau!!! Arse Nuggets.

Anyways, a quick thanks to Pillow, and Sarah, who BOTH downloaded Peaceable Kingdom. I haven't heard yet from either if the song was up to their standards, but the fact they downloaded it after I made that request (and many a time...) means a lot to me, and to both of them I applaud ye. They've proven it's not an epic task to do something which someone requests, and very politely too may I add! If everyone took a little time out to do something which would please another person, the world would be a better place.

Song of the moment: Pink Floyd - Echoes

You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

Wow, a whole 3 days. Though it still feels like 2 cos it's 3:56 and I haven't gone to sleep yet. BUT ANYWHO...

There's so much i want to say, but don't know how to. What, i'm gobsmacked??? For once??? Yes! miracles DO happen!!! I did go to see The Australian Pink Floyd last night, which was a devestatingly accurate portrayal of THE Pink Floyd. If you're as big a fan as I am of the Floyd, you really got to see this Aussie tribute band. They're just unreal. I mean really, how good are they, erm, apart from very??? I know YOU love it. :D :D :D

I'm a reasonable man, get off my case...

take me for who i am, not what i am, and what will be unveiled to you is worth more than satisfaction itself. It's a graceful pleasure.

Song of the moment: Radiohead - Creep
Movie of the moment: Pirates of the Carribean

Glad to see a few sniggers at my last blog. Maybe that's where i'm going wrong with this update. Maybe i've become too serious and just need to unleash the fun side of me. Because there IS actually one hidden away inside of me, really! Should I start being 'funny' again in my blogs? i think the blog's ended up as it is now because I thought it needed to be more sensible, but what do you reckon? Fuck sensible or what? We're going to have to see, but I detect a change in content for this little page of mine... watch this space.

PS: i'm going to keep asking. It's the SMALLEST of requests. So one of you, go download 'Peaceable Kingdom' by Rush, and send me an e-mail by auto2112@hotmail.com. Tell me what you think. Go. NOW!!!

Song of the moment: Rush - Manhattan Project

Here's something I cottoned onto today. SOME women like the idea of a guy jacking off whilst thinking of them. They do. Not ALL, just some. I myself know two ladies, both who've told me they like the idea. ONE who asked if I myself ever think of them while I jack off. Is there more of you out there? Hiding behind your little miss goody two shoes personas??? Because if there is, and you like the idea of guys jacking off while thinking of you, then PLEASE get in touch with me because I would be more than grateful to insert you into my head while fighting with my fist. Even better, if you'd like me to spray all over your tits while smashing your face in with a crowbar, i'd be more than happy to! Or EVEN BETTER!!! Bring round your alsatian, and we'll tie him up to th... (Men in white coats run in, while I try to fight them off with a paper gun.)

Ahem. Anyway, nice to see everyone still pretending to read this blog. Get out and have a wank over a gate handle.

Song of the moment: Rush - Freeze (Part IV of the 'Fear' Trilogy)

Where to begin...

First off, Velvet! Nice to see my blog in your ever-growing list of 'favourite blogs'. It's an absolute dandelion pleasure ma dear, it certainly is. Now, just to touch on the subject of my 'writing' again, I must thank you and Lady H for your textual support! It means a lot when I see / hear other people acknowledge my typing letters up as anything more than standard. It DOES mean a lot. I mean, only today, I had a University lecturer tell me that after reading an essay I typed up on the works of Paul Thomas Anderson (Look him up on the Internet Movie Database, for the first time in all his life, he actually interrupted himself midway through it. Why? Because he said my essay had brought about a resurging urge to go and watch Magnolia again (Which if you know me that well you'll know is my FAVE movie ever). I was dumbstruck. This is a guy who's wrote books on the subject film theory and teaches about 8 hours of media theory every day of the week, and yet he's thanking me (Yeah, he thanked me!) for writing such a 'meticulous' essay. He said anything that makes a person want to do something is a very good thing. So he applauded me and then told me i'd got the best score in the class. So as you can imagine, I was sitting there with a raging stiffy, and I guess it brought it all back about how you said my writing is beautiful... This faith in how I use my words is really pushing me to do something big and creative. Me and Lee are going to be doing that script soon, but i'mt alking about something for myself. A novel? Nah, not yet anyway, I definitely don't have anytime for such an enterprise, but with all this vocal support for my writing, there must be SOMETHING I can bring out of it... watch this space. And thank you again, to Velvet and Lady H for their outspoken love for me... oh, and my writing. Ahem. ;)

If you have a dream. Chase it. Never give up in what you believe in. If you've got your aim set on something, no matter how far or difficult it may seem to accomplish it, stick with it. Whether it be your dream career, your dream location to live in, or your dream partner, chase it as much as you can. If it takes you a week, a year, a decade, stick with it. Because I guarantee you that you will feel the most overwhelming surge of happiness if and when you do achieve your goal. I gave up on a few things these past few months, but this weekend and today has made me realise more than ever that we're here for a reason, and despite the fact we'll never learn that reason, we can still at least try and live up to it, and make something of our lives. If a successful life to you is to become a millionaire, hunt that dream. If it's finding the perfect woman/man, and living with them for the rest of your life regardless of wealth or material possessions, then even more kudos to you sir or madame. I'm in a good mood and wanted to type something like the above up. I'm SURE you've heard what i've just typed up countless times before, but still, doesn't it feel good when you write, type, say, or hear that kind of thing? I hope it makes some of you realise there IS hope in this world. After reading my last blog, I realised I was a little negative at points and want to try and shed myself of such vibes. I'm here for the ride, and intend to make it a fun and interesting one. And as for perfect dreams, i'm chasing one up right this very second...

PS: WILL SOMEONE PLEASE DOWNLOAD 'PEACEABLE KINGDOM' BY RUSH AND TELL ME WHAT THEY THINK??? auto2112@hotmail.com

Movie of the moment: Casablanca (Isn't to say i think it's amazing tho!)

Give me all your strength. I'm at the beginning of something which could take a very long time (No, not that bloody script!), and i need as much help I can get. You cannot know what it is, for it is something I must do on my own. If I accomplish my feat, you will be sure to hear about it (And trust me, you WILL know when it happens). Although not many of you have any idea what i'm talking about, I can tell you that this means more to me than anything out there, including fucking university, including whatever future prospects I may undertake, and anything else that resembles anything remotely similar to success.

be with me for my own little journey. i need you all there. Thank you. And no, i'm not drunk.

Right, a SOBER blog now. Yes, my last blog was typed up while under the influence of alcohol, but reading back I don't think I spoke too much bollox.

Velvet ma dear, I didn't think you were insane! Oh contraire, I thought you were absolutely fishcake (Which is actually a very good thing in my little world)! You're a very charming, sweet, and open lady and for that i think you're an absolute asset to our society. Keep up the good work, and stay true to yourself!

What are you trying to do? Was it something I said? Something you'd like me to do?
Surprisingly, I had quite a few peeps come up to me last night, including Blakely, Andy, and Danny, all asking me if they could be in mine and Lee's forthcoming script. The answer is most definitely yes, but as I said to ya's last night, we haven't even started writing the thing yet, so don't expect it to be happening any time soon. But as soon as some or any progress is made, ya's will be the first to know.

To start off this blog... I can't remember what I was going to say. I am drunk mind you, so maybe that's why. Oh, but I DO want to dedicate this update to THE lady of all things Velvety... shit, I dunno your real name. Ah fuck, Velvet it is then! This lady told me tonight...

That she found my writing to be very beautiful. Which is one of the greatest compliments i've received all year. Sure it's about just my writing, but the fact of the matter is, I DON'T have to do this blog. I only do it because people expect it of me, so naturally, you would expect this to consist of a very rushed and tired nature. But I DO try my best, and i guess that that is proved when i receive comments such as Velvet's 'beautiful' comment. It means the world to me, it really does. And oh my god... your hugs are just out of this world. I don't know why, but there was something about the way you hug that made me go all 'Christ almighty!!!'!!!. you keep up with those hugs dearest, they're absolutely fan-fucking-tastic.

Is my writing beautiful...? I certainly get enough, "You should write an autobiography / novel / snuff film!!!" comments to warrant such an accolade. Do I REALLY write beautiful madame Velvet? Hmmm, I don't know. It's an interesting thing to look at. What IS a blog? it's what you make it. I used to write my blog as a perspective look at life, but more nowadays it's become an attack against life. I've attacked ex's, women in general, workplaces, the government, and comedy. No longer do I seem to lead an unbiased look upon the world we live. It all seems to fall from my opinions instead. Could I write an autobiography? Doubtful. I DEFINITELY have lead a life which COULD warrant such a production, but i'm not famous enough. A novel instead? Definitely. But do I have the patience to create something which people would only read? hmmmm... I think not. Do I have the patience to create something which people would only 'witness'? i.e., a film? Most definitely. One day, could I MAYBE direct my lifestory? For sure, but then the demand would have to be there. And I sincerely doubt there's much demand to hear about the life of an over-weight slobby geek, but who knows, stranger things have happened...

PS: Don't e-mail me with "You're not slobby! / Overweight! / Geeky! e-mails. I don't beleive this in a negative way, more a positive way, in which i can sit back and laugh at my grotesque proportions. Pee-arrr hooyah.

Song of the moment: Rush - Peaceable Kingdom

No major update today, just a song's worth of lyrics. Enjoy. Oh, and has anyone even decided to TRY and look for that Rush song yet??? Go back to my last post on this here blog, and see what I said. Download it and tell me what you think!!!

Rush - Face Up

You turn my head
I spin my wheels
Running on empty --
You know how that feels

I'm on a roll now --
Or is it a slide?
Can't be too careful
With that dangerous pride
If I could only reach that dial inside
And turn it up

FACE UP -- Or you can only back down
FACE UP -- Hit the target, or you better hit the ground
FACE UP -- There's still time to turn the game around
FACE UP -- Turn it up -- Or turn that wild card down
Turn it up

Don't complain
Don't explain
I don't think my new resolve
Can stand the strain

I'm in a groove now --
Or is it a rut?
I need some feedback
But all the lines are cut
I get so angry, but I keep my mouth shut
And turn it up

You get all squeezed up inside
Like the days were carved in stone
You get all wired up inside
And it's bad to be alone

You can go out, you can take a ride
And when you get out on your own
You get all smoothed out inside
And it's good to be alone
Turn it up

Song of the moment: Rush - Face Up
Movie of the moment: Pulp Fiction

Oh hooyah...

Went to see Bottom 5 LIVE last night at the Empire. Hmmmm... how to tell you what it was like... the first half was fantastic. They actually returned to the flat, BUT... it wasn't what you're thinking because it was set in the bathroom, great set tho, and absolutely fecking huge! The storyline was a little iffy at times, but the gags were great and seeing Rik Mayall's arse cheeks more than made up for what was a quite simply awful second half, with more or less a rehash of the show from 2 years ago. They did the whole 'What the fuck, fuck, fuck happened there???' joke again, they even ADMITTED it, and they also dragged out that shite 'Pants' song again. The audience wasn't that impressed by this second half. First half - great, second half - god no. Rik and Ade, you REALLY got to drop the live act now. Just leave it at a nice round 5. It's a nice number, and no-one will ever hate you for not touring again. I mean hey, i'm like one of your biggest fans ever, but I can still tell a shitty and rushed plot when I see one. And what I witnessed last night was a shitty and rushed plot. if you DO ever tour again, PLEASE get back in the flat. It was a catalyst for some of the greatest comedy you guys ever pulled off. Do that and you COULD get back to form. But it won't promise anything...

And me? I'm good. I'm pretty good. better than ever now that the production side of University is now out of the way. So i've just got 3 essays and a dossier I need to have finished by the end of December. But I gotta admit that the time I have now is SO much more than I have had over the past month. This past month has been extremely stressful, and I really haven't enjoyed University at all. But now that shitty production project is gone, I might be able to chirp up a little more.

I was walking down to Hanover Street from the Cathedral yesterday while listening to Rush, live in Rio, and for some reason I got this overcoming feeling. Like something good was going to happen. Not immediately, but in the future. I mean the start of this year was amazing. I had the greatest start to a year than I have ever had before. I underwent a soul-searching exercise, received a beautiful baby brother, and started going out with Sarah. It was all very happy, and then July came... recent times haven't been so bad but Uni HAS been very stressful. I feel like fucking Steven Spielberg in that place. But yesterday something came over me, and for some reason I envisioned a bright next few months. I don't know what to make of that, but I know that back in either May or June I told Natasha that i could see a very bleak period coming up for me (Which I then mentioned when Sarah split up with me, because I was right), and I was right. But I feel like i'm FINALLY coming out of it, and the end of this year, and the start of 2004 will be a good un'. I have no reason to believe this, except my gut instinct, which has never failed me before. I am looking forward to what the future holds. As for 2003... It's been a mixed year with its fair share of arseholes and saviours, but I think i'll get around to talking about my year in full come New Years. Remember last year with my 'I don't believe in resolutions, but if I DID...' blog? Well that'll be back in force, and boy do I have a fantastic fucking list coming up for you lot to salivate over...

This update was dedicated to my homegirl, Jenny, from uni, who told me she stumbled over my blog after checking my profile out. She also told me she thinks I could write an autobiography on my life, just from what she read of my last year and a half on this dreadful planet. Jen, if EVER I made it famous I WILL write an autobiography. And not one of those shitty ones which are written by someone else where 90% of it is pure fabricated bullshit, but one more like Mick Foley's 'Have a Nice Day!', which was genuinely written 100% by the Foley himself. I would look forward to that day if it ever comes, but while i'm still at my working class level, there's no chance. But who knows? If I get my degree, maybe hit the big time, maybe skidaddle over to Hollywood for the rest of my life (Now steady on there old chap!), then it could happen... and all of my dearest closest friends would be the first to receive copies. But be VERY WARNED. What i'd have to say would change ALL of your perceptions of me. I'm not who you think I am. There's more to me than meets the eye, and the only person who knows me for who I REALLY am is my little brother Lee. The greatest guy I ever did have the fortune to meet (hey, we COULD have been seperated when we were babies!). I'm not trying to scathe fact of the matter is NONE of us know anyone for who they really are, and very rarely will we ever. I myself don't know anyone fully, because no-one i've ever met, girlfriends included, have ever been 100% genuine with me. Even our Lee isn't 100% with me. But he's open enough for me to know I can trust him on anything...

And talking about ex-girlfriends, I stumbled across Gemma in the Barracuda on tuesday night. Well, more like SHE stumbled across me. She was very drunk, and you could tell in the way she kept trying to rape my mouth with her tongue. She has her own place now as well, so i'm sure a quick fumble under the covers was on her mind (Trust me, she's VERY up for it). I didn't fall for the bait tho, because I know she isn't one for the casual thing, and I know for a fact that she's one ex I never want to get back with. So having sex with her, I just KNOW for a fact that she'd think we could save what we once had. Whereas I know we couldn't. We're too different, and it'd never work. She has the most amazing set of tits ever tho. :D

And finally, I want to ask of anyone who reads this blog, will one of you out there download a Rush song for me? Download... 'Peaceable Kingdom' from the Vapor trails album. One of you download it, give it a listen, and tell me what you honestly think. I really want to spread the legs, er, love of rush and get them out there... even if they have been going now for 30 years. They're amazing! Someone download that song and tell me by auto2112@hotmail.com what you think! PLEASE! I'm going to keep this plea up, until someone does it, so get downloading!

Rush - Everyday Glory

In the house where nobody laughs
And nobody sleeps
In the house where love lies dying
And the shadows creep
A little girl hides, shaking,
With her hands on her ears
Pushing back the tears, 'til the pain disappears

Mama says some ugly words
Daddy pounds the wall
They can fight about their little girl later
Right now they don't care at all
No matter what they say...
No matter what they say...

EVERYDAY PEOPLE
EVERYDAY SHAME
EVERYDAY PROMISE
SHOT DOWN IN FLAMES

EVERYDAY SUNRISE
ANOTHER EVERYDAY STORY
RISE FROM THE ASHES ---
A BLAZE OF EVERYDAY GLORY

In the city where nobody smiles
And nobody dreams
In the city where desperation
Drives the bored to extremes

Just one spark of decency
Against a starless night
One glow of hope and dignity
A child can follow the light
No matter what they say
No matter what they say...

If the future's looking dark
We're the ones who have to shine
If there's no one in control
We're the ones who draw the line
Though we live in trying times ---
We're the ones who have to try
Though we know that time has wings ---
We're the ones who have to fly

Song of the moment: Rush - Freeze (Part IV of the 'Fear' Trilogy)
Movie of the moment: The Jolson Story

http://www.virtualmodel.com/mvmhome/jsp/home.jsp?

Quite simply, WOW.

So anyway, Pete was looking for Blakely's blog, but typed it in wrong. Instead of typing www.snoochyboochies.blogspot.com, he typed www.snoochieboochies.blogspot.com. Who IS Brendan???I'd like to think such a mysterious one post blog could go down amongst my few select group of friends as legendary, but if 'Brendan' doesn't get in touch (Which without no contact details on his blog will probably not happen), it'll probably get disregarded. If ANYONE who owns their own blog out there knows how I can get in touch with someone who has a blog but hasn't published any contact info, then PLEASE get in touch at auto2112@hotmail.com!!! Thank you...

Song of the moment: Radiohead - Just
Movie of the moment: The Crocodile Hunter

I was reading someone elses blog, and out of respect due to the content of their most recent post I won't be linking to them.

The person who reads this WILL know i'm talking about them, so take heed and take note.

Ahem. I can understand thoroughly what you said on your blog. I too made the mistake of telling my girlfriend that she meant more than anything to me (Which she did), and it pushed her away from me. If you don't know the full story of what happened between me and Sarah, you either don't know me or you don't read my blog as often as you could. So anyway, I told her she meant the world to me, and it scared her. This is despite the fact that when we got together she would joke about getting married, and she'd tell me how I was the most amazing guy she'd ever met (which actually DID worry me a little, but not enough to go off her). I even have proof of her telling me this, yes I really was that addicted to the girl. Anyway, she got scared off me, one thing lead to her another and then she did something (And still is in the process of doing it) which meant us not being able to talk to eachother ever again, at least for the foreseeable future. And all because I used to tell her I loved her and how much she meant to me.

To the person who wrote that blog, I can't explain why women are like this. They hate getting told they're amazing things, and how much someone else can love them. If it were me, had it been the other way around after 4 months with me and Sarah and it was her telling me she loved me, and wanted to marry me, I would have accepted the love and even said yes. She meant THAT much to me. But it were me doing the talking and she ditched me. I don't know WHY it scares women off while on the otherhand it makes guys feel safe about the relationship, but that's the way it is.

To that person again, if i were you, i'd lay off the strong compliments. It's horrible I know, but you've learnt like I did that you can't tell a lady how fantastic she is without strangely scaring her away. If she means so much to you, lay off the praise, and try and take things slow. It sounds like your relationship was a whole lot like mine and Sarah's, and if it IS, then you'd do well to heed my advice. And good luck my friend, you'll really need it.

One other thing, you WILL be devestated by losing her if it comes to that. It took me over 3 months to get over a 4 month relationship. That probably seems ridiculous to some reading this, but they wouldn't understand how it feels to find someone who truly makes you feel the happiest you've ever been, only to have it taken away from you by something you can't fully understand. It hurts. It hurts a LOT. It left an emotional scar on me which i'll probably never shed, but at least i've got the experience, but most of all, the memories of what me and Sarah had. I don't regret one second of what we had, and I definitely don't regret telling her she was the greatest girl i'd ever met, even if that was the initial reason for her splitting up with me again. Would I ever tell her again those same words? You fucking bet your life I would. Because she was the greatest girl, and for what we had, she STILL is the greatest girl I ever experienced.

Song of the moment: Rush - Making Memories
Movie of the moment: Running Man

There are people out there who deserve to fail. The ones who are in the spotlight, but don't deserve it. If ya want celebrity examples of this, look no further than the likes of Britney Spears, Will Young, and quite simply any pop act of today (with the sweet exception of Justin Timberlake and Lance Bass "Next window please!"). They don't deserve the attention, riches, fame, etc. But they get it. In their case, there's a media out there forcing them upon us, without our consent. Fuck all we can do about it, so we HAVE to put up with it.

I'm looking at something else tho... something stagnating closer to home... it's not nice and it's not pretty, but it's receiving attention unlike any other... and that's homegrown rock. Don't get me wrong, not all of it is bad, but it seems if you can pick up a guitar and play a song, you're considered talented. I taught myself how to type without looking at the keyboard. My brother taught himself how to teach the guitar. However, I don't look at him and think that he's this big talented shit because he did something I can't. it doesn't work like that. So what i'm saying is that there are so many bands out there trying to break through to the 'big time', but there's also so many who quite simply stink of shit. Ones to look out for are definitely The Guild of Defiants and The Bandits. I would have added Liquid Nerve also, but I don't even know if they're going anymore. (Checks the site) Ooooh, says they have a new band and a new site, so add Liquid Nerve as well. Watch out for these bands. They're worthy of any success that comes to them. The Bandits have already been playing gigs in America, so good onto them. The Guild of Defiants have an EP out soon, which I CANNOT wait for, and Liquid Nerve... guess we'll have to wait and see on that front. If these 3 are playing on any band nights you're considering going out on, then give them a try. Anything else is second best...

...what do you mean you don't know who Lance Bass is??? he's only the sexiest voice out there... he's so good, he WAS the voice for Sephiroth. Now THAT'S class.

Song of the moment: Rush - Show Don't Tell

I have stood up for the rights of my fellow screen studies production practice students! No more shall we remain silent, in our regime of fear and uniformality! No more shall we stick to THE deadline, but demand an extension! No more sha... alright then, so it was JUST me who did this. but I did send an e-mail to a Mrs. Alex Lonsdale requesting an extension for EVERY group in my Prod. Prac. class because we've not had enough time basically to film it. It felt so liberating. 'll probably fail in my demand tho. :D

On a side-note, me and my brother have decided to start work on a short film script. It wouldn't be more than 15 mins at the max, 5 minutes at the minimum. We're probably looking to start filming it sometime after Christmas. I'm SURE we'll need some actors/actresses, but we wouldn't want practicing actors/actresses. We'd prefer people who have no acting experience in their lives. Like me and my brother. We're not looking to blow the industry apart or anything though, it's more like something for me and him, but hey, you never know when you'll need something like this in the future as a media student. Eitherway, we haven't even started writing the script yet, but we're brainstorming heavily, and when we figure out the plot, setting, characters, we'll start asking our dearly beloved chums if they want in on the 'Houghton' project. We can't promise it'll be amazing, but it's going to be fun and something each person involved can remember for the rest of their lives. We'll keep you posted.

Song of the moment: The Minutemen - The Roar of the Masses Could Be Farts
Movie of the moment: Street Corner