And so it ends...

First off, I need to give the world's HUGEST shout out to Amie (Still remembered!!!), Hayley Abe!!! and Katie, who I met for the first time in the Barracuda last night. Amie, you're an absolute doll who seems to have a chest that can fly in all directions! I love it! Keep it up dear! Or down... or whatever. :P Hayley! Don't listen to what they all say, ya don't look a thing like Pete. It takes years of testicle tickling to look as hairy and suave as Mr. Pete. One day you may be so lucky, but until then, you'll just have to retain those lovely curvaceous features of yours. :P And Katie... anyone who says i'm funny HAS to be cool in my book. She also looks stunning, is up for a larf, and necks for superhero's! You can't be as cool as that! Leanne, who introduced me to these two lovely specimens, also introduced me to about another 10 girls, so if i've missed you out, it's only because I can't remember all your names! I remember the lady with the pink skirt (Claire was it?), the one with the blue and white baseball cap, the one with the cool mad black clothing who'd not go amiss in the Krazy House... is there anyone i'm forgetting... oh yeah. Vicky. (Silence)............................................................. who's cool. ;) Vicky, I luvs ya I do girly! I liked your skirt and your top was even better. It brought out the chest, I mean best in you! :D Oh, and if you wanna see this bunch of misfits, here they are... You'll find most of them I just mentioned are on the right side but I can't be arsed going through each one. So to speak.

NOW... onto the main part. The year 2003. It's downfalls and rises. How do I do this... how about I tell you what I thought of MY year. It IS my blog. So it kinda makes sense that i'd post shit about ME...

JANUARY, 2003

I wanna go home,
Take off this uniform
And leave the show,
Cos i'm waiting in this cell,
And I have to know,
Have I been guilty all this time...

Anyone who knew me very well knew I started the year with a REALLY hard challenge. Self-imposed mind you. I had signed up for a 3 week Big Brother style project for University, where i'd be living in the confines of a 3 roomed flat built specifically for the project, with 3 other guys, for 3 weeks. We wouldn't see the light of day, we'd have all our food and drink paid for, we'd be living on 28 hour days... it was a VERY fucked up thing for me to do. But the fact I was getting paid £400 for it was kinda tantalising. Though I didn't even know about the money when i first signed up for it, I was genuinely going to do it just because of the experience. I needed that time to sort things out in my head. I had people careening in and out of my mind, all with little things that were either bothering me or that I basically needed to sort out with them.

The experiment itself was VERY rocky. Amongst the experiences in there, I had to spend all my time in there with a probe 10 cms up my arse (Cleaning that when I needed a shit WASN'T pretty), we were rushed out of the building at one time due to a fire on the outside of the ground floor which then destroyed our water and heating, which meant we had to get moved elsewhere, we had run-ins with Tesco's who fucked up nearly every order of food we did, we had no TV because we couldn't get a signal, and I also had a Manc as a flatmate who I had no prob with until he decided he'd badmouth everything possible about Liverpool as often as he could. To say he was a twat would be an understatement. He was a fucking bastard.

The experience went by in a flash, even tho I was actually in there for 21 days. Would I do it again... well I AM hoping to sign up for Big Bro 5, so I guess that'd be a yes. I urge anyone to do something like this. It brings out qualities in you that you never knew existed and also makes you realise what to be thankful for, especially your closest friends and family. With its 3 week time period, this basically took up all of January for me.

FEBRUARY, 2003

Ticking away, the moments that make up a dull day,
Fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way,
Digging around on a piece of ground in your home-town,
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way...

I remember not a lot happening in Feb, but coming out of the Henry Cotton Uni Building after 3 weeks was REALLY unnerving. I'd barely had any contact with the outside world, so seeing everyone again was VERY nerve-wrecking. It took me a good while before I could settle back into life again, but when i did, it came naturally again. And I WAS a changed man because of my experience.

I MET STEVE-O!!! :P Of Jackass fame. You MUST know Steve-O??? He's the cool dude who says, "Yeah dude!" all the time, and wears leopard skin thongs and injects vodka into his veins. he's the man. And I got to hug his sweaty naked chest! Defining!!! he also signed a shirt of mine which i've only ever wore twice. it's currently locked up in my wardrobe, eagerly awaiting its next showing off... Steve-O was a pure gentlemen. He spoke to my mum over the phone for 5 minutes, signed everything I wanted, and told these girls to fuck off who were making arses of themselves. Steve-O... I salute you.

One thing that DID happen in February, came at the end... when my 3 month cough started... (Shudders at the memories)

MARCH, 2003

If I fell in love with you,
Would you promise to be true,
And help me, understand?
Because i've been in love before,
And I found that love was more,
Than just, holding hands...

(First of all, I just posted a HUGE fucking update for March, and then this bastard fucking lost it. I FUCKING HATE BLOGGER SOMETIMES!!! YOU fucking waste of space bastard twat!!!)

Ahem. Now I can’t even remember how I started March because of this stupid fucking site. ARGH!!! Oh well, let’s start again…

So, March 10th came, and I was on a night out to the KH. I went to Andy’s, as is the norm with our lot. Sat off on his bed with a dorky suit on (well, dorky to you lot! :P ), I was just chatting to Blakely. Kate all of a sudden walked in, with this unknown lady. My heart skipped a beat. This woman, whoever she was, was STUNNING. Me and Andy exchanged glances as if to say, “Where the fuck did Kate find this babe???”. She was visibly shy, and looked extremely edgy perched on the edge of Andy’s bed. She probably thought she’d gone insane listening to me and Blakely exchanging chat on masturbation and sex. As is per usual with us. So nothing was said.

We got the KH, and I thought I’d dive head first and asked her if she’d ever been before to which she quietly replied it was her first night. I felt kinda sorry for her heading into this eternal sweat pit with us lot, but I like to think that we always make newcomers feel welcome, and I intended on making this one feel very welcome. The night started, we talked a little bit more about various shit, she even told me a secret which in the KH would be nothing short of suicide (I remember! :P) and by the end of the night, she’d enchanted me so much that I just HAD to ask for her number. Maybe I was overstepping the mark, but I just had to try. I WANTED to see this girl again. She gave me her number. Mine and Sarah’s friendship had begun.

The next week or two consisted of the odd txt between the two of us, but nothing too major, just friendly banter. The 27th was looming, and t’would be the staff night for Spencer Gifts UK, where I was working at the time (RIP SGU). We were going the KH!!! How the fuck did that happen? I think it was Gemma wanting to give the KH a try, despite her being the slightest nervous about the prospect of going to that haven for pit-fiends. But first of all…

My baby brother Alex was born midday. This, and the night’s events to come, would make March 27th the greatest day of my life. He was born midday, and I even got to hold him in my arms before I made my way to the KH. It’s an unrivalled feeling being able to hold someone in your arms who you know to be your brother or sister. It’s really up there with… finding your true love and knowing you’ll spend the rest of your lives together. He was amazing, gorgeous, and made me feel so proud to be in this family. I had a feeling that his birth was a sign of good things to come and by jove was I so very right…

So me and Mike Worthington made our way there together, and got there for 9pm. BIG mistake. The place was EMPTY. We felt stupid sitting there together, but we stuck it out while we waited for Karen and Gemma to turn up. When they finally did, they found us playing pool on the K2. The night unwound itself, and Karen was blowing all her hard-earned cash on drinks for us lowly Spencer skum. While on the K3, I turned to see Kate and Sarah. It took my breath away. She was here??? Kate hadn’t even told me she would be out! I knew I had to go over there, if only to say hello. So I did. And ended up spending the rest of my night with Sarah. It was the closest I’d been to anyone since splitting up with my first girlfriend, GH. And it felt so amazing. Here I was, plain ol’ Carl, kissing the most beautiful woman I’d ever saw. It was the stuff teen movies are made of. You know, the ones where they have the one guy who everyone feels sorry for? It was GREAT. Sarah was beautiful, she had the cutest smile, she did the sweetest thing wher… am I making you gag?? :P Let’s just say she enchanted me with her appearance, and her personality was so addictive. I’d found my dream girl, yet how would I know if she thought ANYTHING of me?

The next few days consisted of me and her txting eachother. We ended up agreeing to go to see the new film, ‘Just Married’ at the Odeon in town on the 5th of April.

APRIL, 2003

Because there’s something about you,
Baby,
So right…

So we went to see the film. We kissed through most of it, and I also kept running in and out of the toilets due to my piss-taking cough. If you know Sarah, ask her how bad my cough was. It was unreal. Never experienced anything as cruel as it before (or so I thought…). Anywho, it felt good to have such attention from a lady, especially one who I was developing strong feelings for. By the end of the night, we’d agreed to give a relationship a try, and I was officially with my second girlfriend. I got home, told my mum, she was thrilled, our Lee was doubtful (thanks to my first girlfriend), and my dad was probably pissed as a fart. But it was the start of something for me, something which I could finally invest all of this pent up love into. I was looking forward to the future, but have to admit that at the time I was VERY nervous about fucking things up. It was possible. Anything is. We all know that. So I was trying my best to make things special for her. We did the staying over thing a little, but not too much, because we didn’t want to overdo it. As for sex… well that’s one thing you WON’T be finding out about in this update. Even I have my secrets…

Meanwhile, in the background, university was in full flow, and my cough was doing all it could to make a show of me. I couldn’t do presentations because of it, had to miss so many lessons that it took the piss, and looking back, the little fucker definitely made an impression on my end of year grades. But I was still trying to work around it, regardless of it’s consistency.

By this time, Alex had come home, and it felt SO weird to have a new member of the family in the house. Butch, the dog, found it all rather intriguing. He had NO idea what the hell this little dude was. But he still accepted him without much hassle. Life felt so good for the first time in a year. I was happy. EXTREMELY.

MAY, 2003

You're my favourite thing - the one that I love
You're the one so I'd die for your love

This was when me and Sarah had started to settle down, and get over eachothers little habits and oddities. We all have them, it’d be ridiculous to say you didn’t. But it’s those that make life beautiful. Noticing something about a loved one that anyone else wouldn’t see is such a special thing. It makes you feel like you’re part of your own personal secret club with your partner. It’s a wonderous feeling.

So I was happy, Uni was rounding off, and my coughing was hilarious. I’d walk into a test, my cough would be mild, I’d sit down and cough heavily all the way through, the test would end and waddya know? It’d ease off. Why does life treat us like that? Bastard sod’s law. Or something like it anyway.

What else can I say. May was an extremely loved up time for me. We went for meals which were very romantic, went the cinema god knows how many times, it just felt so right. I had someone who I could rely on for anything, if I needed them, if they needed me, etc. It was just good to feel wanted again. After experiencing love, being single can be a killer. With Gemma, it didn’t affect me so much because we both agreed to split, but later on it still kept creeping back into my mind, before I got with Sarah. I WAS single. No-one out there was wondering where I was, how I was, nor did they want to be with me. To have this person there, it’s like a godsend. At least to me it is. I’m sure there’s some dicks out there who don’t appreciate a good woman. I know I do.

JUNE, 2003

Ah honey won't you say that I'm the one
And if you think you're gonna run
Well you know

I'm gonna be around you, all about you
Always by your side
I'm gonna dream about you, scheme about you
Love you all the time
I'm gonna catch you lady, catch you lady yeah

My brother’s birthday on the 4th came and went. I vaguely remember going to Blakes bar with Sarah, Kate, lee and all his mates. It was simply fun. :) Pool, drinks, jolly harmless banter, the usual student typical style really. Lee was finally 18!!! He could go the KH whenever he wanted now! But he didn’t. And still never does. GAH!!! He waited all this time and now doesn’t bother. Ah well, if the need ever arises, I’m sure he’ll take up the opportunity.

Some lovely news for the start of June, Spencers was closing down! I'd be out of the best job ever!!! 6 weeks we were given. the girls were in tears, the lads didn't seem to give a shit except me and Graham who were seriously gutted. But as the strong team we always were, we were there for eachother in the startup to what would eventually be a sad closedown...

My cough went! Rejoice! Guess what! I developed tooth ache! Oh fuck! Typical really. Get rid of one pain in the throat, replace it with one in the mouth. And this tooth ache would last about 2 months. I am very serious. And you know WHY it lasted 2 months? Because my dentist was a fucking nutcase who’s X-rays were telling him my teeth were fine. My bottom teeth, I was CONVINCED it was my bottom teeth that were killing me. The agony was unbearable, but I lived. Just about. Sarah was my rock, being there for me with every niggling sore.

Cracks were forming already. Me and Sarah weren’t 100%. And at the same time, I wasn’t sure why. She was suggesting a few cooling off periods, thinking we were rushing things, whereas I told her there was only such thing as rushing when you compared your relationship to other couples. Was I wrong? Looking back I’m not sure. I don’t know ANYONE who thinks like I did, about how we can go at whatever ‘speed’ we want, but Sarah definitely had a problem with how we’d progressed, and I know this happens with a LOT of relationships. I just wasn’t seeing it though. Why I am so oblivious in that sense is beyond me. She was justified (don’t be so qui…) in feeling like this though. We were staying at each other’s nearly every single weekend, and even during the week too. We were seeing each other and speaking to each other every single day. I’m sure some people out there would agree with Sarah that we had moved too quickly, and she was definitely in the right to suggest that we should cool off. I was just too self-centered to see it. I was more concerned with having fun and not losing this girl, then actually working at keeping things right. My stupid fault. We all make mistakes, and we all learn from them. Well, we SHOULD do!!! :)

JULY, 2003

Floating, bumping, noses dodge a tooth
The fins aluminous fangs all ’round
The clam is dark below the boulders hiding all
The sunlight’s good for us

Sarah and I agreed to go on a brief separation, just to see how things went with a bit of space between us. It was hell for me. No kissing, no touching, no getting too close… I felt like I was punishing myself for something I hadn’t done. But I could see why we needed it. I could see moreso why Sarah did. I didn’t know what was to happen, but at the end of month, Sarah told me she wanted to split up with me. We had a really long talk, and I convinced her to stick with it for a little longer, see if we could iron out the problems, and get back on track. She agreed to try, and try we did.

You’ve got to do this for a relationship. If someone wants out, don’t just let it happen. Work around it. See if you can fix it. Don’t give up because things seem hard on you. As the doc says, “If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.” Relationships are there to be nurtured, to be saved, and to be embraced. Worship them. Not everyone gets the opportunity to have what I felt like I have. Some people live their lives never feeling love. I feel so sorry for them because love is such a beautiful experience. It’s so personal and yet at the same time so enveloping. If you see an opportunity to grasp love by the hands, please take it. We’re not here on this planet long. You gotta take it and run.

Spencers closed. Items on the last day were going for 10p each by the time we were closing!!! TEN FUCKING PENCE!?!?!?!?! I’m serious. People had become vultures, and were swooping on down, looking to buy any pieces of useless shit they could get their hands on, even including the equipment and shelving we had in the shop. It was sad, and frustrating. Here was a shop which offered the city an alternative for presents. Sick of the same shitty ol’ pressies? Ya could go to Spencer Gifts and buy Lava Lamps, heavy metal merchandise, gag cards, silly sex toys, masks, superhero toys… there was so much, and it was a really incredible shop with an absolutely fantastic team, consisting of I, Mike W., Mike K., Graham, Karen, Vicky, Gemma, and Natasha. I miss them all even today, because they were the greatest guys I worked with. I loved ya’s all, and ya’s made me laugh on so many times. It closed down on the 26th.

31st July and I finally had my teeth out!!! I ended up having them out in the Dental Hospital after my usual dentist had drilled and filled about 4 teeth with no success. He really couldn’t see the problem. He did this to my bottom teeth. I went the Dental Hospital. They told me it was the top set of teeth. I felt like screaming out there and then. Anyway, I had the teeth taken out and was overjoyed. The pain had gone, but I’d went to Sarah’s afterward and the blood clots were unpleasant as was the endless stream of blood flowing round my mouth. Still, it was worth it for the pain I guess. So I had lost my job, but I’d also at least lost my pain. Not much else I could lose was there?

AUGUST, 2003

Good-bye to you,
Charlotte Pringle’s due,
I've had enough for one day…

August 1st came, and Sarah decided we could go no further. I’ll admit that to this day I don’t fully understand why she split up with me, but I COULD see that she needed it. She really didn’t have it in her anymore and she even looked exhausted. I could do nothing but accept it, and face having to be single again. It was VERY hard for me to have to let her go, but I had to.

Before we split, I’d agreed to go to London with her and her parents for a few days. Even after we split, she still wanted me to go. I was really unsure about it, but she said it’d make her happier if I were there. So I went for it. It wasn’t perfect. It was VERY tricky because all of a sudden, less than a week after we split, we were all of a sudden just friends. However, I did really enjoy London. The sights were magnificent, I got LOADS of footage on camera (Still sitting on my bedside cabinet) and it was overall a very enjoyable journey.

Returning home, I felt empty. That was it. London was the last thing me and Sarah had had planned so I was on my own now. That’s when it hit me. And depression slowly took over. My mates were there for me, but anyone knows that when you’re down, you can be REALLY down. I was so upset about losing her, my brother thought I was going to slash my wrists. Nice imagery! I’m not one for suicide. I’m too lazy to do it. ;) But yeah, times were hard for me. Some people would say they were only hard because I LET myself be brought down. I don’t know now. Maybe I did bring it all down upon myself. Either way, it was the worst I ever felt. Ya know, I’m just going to go straight to September, because this is going to end up looking like some shitty nu-metal suicide filled tune.

SEPTEMBER, 2003

Where will you be when you’re not here,
How many lives in this earth-time…

Actually, on second thoughts, I just come to September and realised it was one long month of depression. Yeah, I really did let it get to me that badly. I was such a recluse. My mum and dad got pissed with me staying in my room all the time on my own. Hey, what else could I do (actually, being where I am now, I realise what I should have done, but I suppose you could forgive me for being like I was), I just wanted to withdraw into myself. If you don’t know what I’m saying, trust me, one day you will.

I was keeping in touch with Sarah, which I also think was a bad idea at the time. If you need to get over someone, you have to stop communicating with them for a while. At least that’s my opinion. Speaking to her when I did just furthered my desire to be with her again. I was just torturing myself. And worst of all, University wasn’t starting again till the very last few days of the month. I had nothing to do but think about what I had. Sod’s law again!!!

I DID get a new job tho… with Contraband discount stores. Which was SHIT. One or two of the staff were fantastic, like Roy, Kayleigh, and Donna, amongst others, but the job was awful, VERY demanding, and the management couldn’t accept that my University would have to come before their work. It was never going to work, but Uni wasn’t to start for nearly a month so I thought fuck it. And did it. But not for long.

OCTOBER, 2003

It's me again, insignificant me again,
Just me again and my broken heart.
How can I love again,
Now she's gone again,
I'm on that ship again,
Called a sinking heart.

Oh I am so lonely,
I'm the man who would kill for love.
I'd kill for love!
Oh, I am a phoney Valentino.
The man who would kill for,
Man who would kill for
Man who would kill ...for love!

So, Uni started, I got myself a job, and I’d finally started to feel less depressed. I would like to take the time here to thank one person. She took me aside one night in the Krazy House, and we stood talking on a sweaty heavy metal filled dance floor. I was pissed, she was wise and helpful, and she helped me in a way that no other person could. Skippy, YOU were my saviour. You lifted me up so high from the gloom I’d thrust myself into. You’ll never realise just what you did for me, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to convince you that what you did for me was more than anyone else ever has. But you did. And it was. You’re an absolute credit to society, and this world. I’ll never find another of you, and because of that, I feel so honoured to even know you. Granted, we may not see each other a lot, but you’re always in my thoughts whatever you do. I’ll never be able to start thanking you enough… thank you.

At the end of October, me and Sarah had a huge argument. Mainly over something that I couldn’t deal with. I told her I never wanted to speak to her again, not until this thing was ‘resolved’. I put that in quotations because it was only MY opinion of a resolution. Whereas for her, it was something that she wouldn’t be able to do in a split second. I WAS asking so much of her, and I didn’t realise how hard it would have been for her to do it. I was selfish. That’s love for you. Was I an arsehole? She’d tell you not (I think!!!), but I dunno, I guess I came across as forcing my desires upon her. Another mistake I ended up learning from.

University! Bag of shite! This semester made me realise I hate University, but what the fuck, I’m halfway through, I may as well try and get my degree now. Be pointless quitting now. But it is hella annoying. The students are so fake, the lecturers can be very demanding at times (I know what’s expected in Uni, but sometimes even THIS is too much), and the work can be pretty extreme at times. But it’s my fault I let myself in for it. It’s my problem, and I deal with it by forcing myself to sit through these tiresome lectures. But I should thank my lucky stars, there’s hundreds out there who wished they’d have done what I was doing, if only they could turn back the hands of time. In that respect, I’m VERY grateful, for what I have. But we are allowed to hate something, regardless of how sought after it is by others.

NOVEMBER, 2003

I have seen the passion
That's in the hope that everyone
Will find their way into
The secret of
The home of your heart

My birthday came on the 2nd and I reached 20. My life felt empty still, but it was VERY slowly improving. Sarah wasn’t in my life at the moment and I wasn’t letting it get to me, which felt good that I could actually resist that desire of mine so much. I was looking for someone else, but only because I wanted someone there. I’d have had anyone, I was desperate! I have so much love to give, and when it bubbles away inside you, not finding a home, it can be very distressing. But I found no-one.

I went to see Bottom 5 LIVE!!! Rik Mayall and Ade Edmondson are comedy legends. However, they ARE a very acquired taste. You either love them or you hate them. Me? I worship the ground they walk. Bottom 4 hadn’t been that good when I went to see it, surely 5 would be better? But it wasn’t. It was pretty much identical to the 4th. How can you have 3 of the greatest live comedy shows ever, and follow them up with these 2? Still, any chance I get to see Rik and Ade is a chance worth taking. And it’s always nice to see your heroes on stage. :) May you two forever be comic gods!

Near the end of November, it had been 6 weeks since I last spoke to Sarah. I was speaking to Kate online and she told me that Sarah had been asking about me. I don’t know why, but I felt compelled to get in touch with her again. And I did. But I was extremely worried about if I was letting myself in for a whole world of hurt again. Thankfully I weren’t. We started speaking and she seemed to be OK. I could go into what happened between us more, but I have to respect her privacy, and all of it was private. Let’s say that we started speaking again, and since that, we’ve been pretty good.

Contraband were fucking me about. I needed a weekday off, they gave me it, 3 hours later they got back in touch with me telling me they didn’t need me in the weekend either. I was confused, so asked them when they WOULD need me.

“We’ll call you when we need you.”

2 and a half weeks later they still hadn’t called. Fuck this I thought! So I asked our Lee and Blakely about getting a job in their newsagents opposite Alder Hey (Thorougoods, 3 bottles of 2Litre coke for £3, fantastic!). The ‘interview’ went something like this:

Boss: So, have you had any shop experience?

Me: Well, I HAVE worked in shops for the last 3 years…

Boss: Right, the job’s yours.

Don’t you just LOVE it when a plan comes together like that? :D Fan-fucking-tastic! I stand round all day doing fuck all, reading shit, serving customers every so often and that’s it! To what do I owe the pleasure??? :)

3 days later, Contraband phoned up. ROFLMAOWTFBBQ!!! I was dying to laugh as they asked me if I’d come in for the weekend.

Leanne: Hi Carl, it’s Leanne from Contraband.

Me: Oh, er… alright.

Leanne: I was wondering if there was any chance that you could come in tomorrow?

Me: Well, actually, I’ve got a new job now.

Leanne: Oh… right.

(Cue 5 seconds of deadly silence.)

Leanne: Alright then, well thanks anyway!

(CLICK)

(Me pissing myself)

As I said, don’t you love it when a plan comes together???

DECEMBER, 2003

I want to sing
To sing my song
I want to live in a world where I'll be strong
I want to live
I will survive
And I believe that it won't be very long…

Finally, le end. That’s French, for ‘the end’. Ahem. What can I say about this past month? I HAVE got to meet two of the most darling specimens out there in Leanne and Vicky (Also mentioned in my opening paragraph). These two keep me going at times, and always have time for me. You BOTH make me laugh, and I think ya’s are fantastic. We’ve only just started to get to know each other, but I’m sure we WILL bond even more as time flies. Here’s to a great 2004! We’ll keep it up with our lovely visits to ze Barracuda, our MSN chats, our dirty txt’s… god ain’t life good? :P

My job’s going good. I love it. The staff are great, it’s piss easy, and I am barely in there. It’s VERY perfect for me. I’m enjoying it so much and hope it keeps on trucking.

Me and Sarah are pretty good at the mo. We won’t be back together any time soon, if ever, but I’m just happy that she’s in my life. I told myself I didn’t want to speak to her, and for me it was a form of self torture. It was silly of me to do it, but it’s out of my system now. I can get on with patching things up between us, and again, it’s going good. I absolutely love you Sarah, and can’t imagine what my life would be like without you. At all. Zilch. Diddly-squat. It’d be worse than anything. At least having you as a friend is the next best thing to actually being with you, and for that, I am extremely grateful. Thank you so much.

I don’t want to talk about xmas, because it was a hard time for me.

And finally, the KH tonight for me and New Years Celebrations! Oh pure fuck-yah hooyah!!!

The end…

Oh... my... god. I'm so fucking exhausted. I need to go out and get pissed. I hope you enjoyed that, sure it was depressing at times, but what can I say, 2003 was a tricky year for me. VERY tricky. i didn't mention University much because it bores me stiff to talk about it. Now I WAS going to do shout outs and resolutions but people, that post has just took so much out of me that there's no way i could possibly further it by shouting to everyone who means a lot to me, OR post my unresolutions, SO... i'm going to do them tomorrow.

(Dodges the hurl of tomato's and bricks.)

Hey, watch it!!! Give me a breather!!! I promise, they WILL go up!!! CHRIST!!! Just behave... and if you think you should be getting a shout out... you probably will... now, i'm off to get pissed, and hopefully also pissed. Bonjour!!! AND....

HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!! From me and the insatiable <('. '<), who without, i would not have any of those fantastic usernames that you see frequenting my person everytime I'm on MSN. Kirby, you're the bumnotes!!!

Song of the moment: Brian Kennedy - You Take My Breath Away