Having dreams get shattered can be hard. Sometimes it's a petty dream, like, WISHING you had the latest dvd out, only to find it was put back a month. On the other hand, you have those ULTIMATE dreams. When you're blind, and you find after 30 years in the metaphorical darkness, they've discovered a cure for it... only to find it wasn't what they thought it was after all, and you find your hopes around you crumble like a tea-soaked digestive. It's harsh. people view dreams different; the importance of them mostly, and what constitutes a major hope for one person can be seen to be a minor one to another. How we deal with the destruction of this hope is again, all down to the individual.

Me? I've always tried to keep a stiff-upper lip on the outside, but on the inside i'll always be marred by pain, suffering, and the annoying regrets. And no, this isn't just some dvd we're talking about here. It's even worse when it's someone who you care for dearly who has a hand in bringing down your dreams. It's hard to see your mother in the same way after she lets slip that jolly ol' St. Nick ain't quite what you thought he was... or when your father transforms from the playful daddy who'd pretend to be a monster and chase your two-foot frame round the living room (a cave to you), trying to EAT YOU... into the depressing, sometimes alcohol guzzling / cigarette chain-smoking, unreliable lay-about wretch. You always WISH that things could stay the same, and yet change inevitably becomes as natural as the daily sun-rise. It's a hard fact of life to deal with, and i'm dealing with it slowly but surely, and in my own way. When I figure out what the hell this way actually IS, maybe i'll feel even better.

Until then, i'll probably just camp out in this pit of utter confusion, and feel sorry for myself as I usually do when I feel low, but put on the brave obligatory face for those who I don't want to show my weaker side to. I've always been a twat for that kinda thing; hiding my true feelings, even to those people in my life more important to me, and who would probably be able to help me out if they knew EXACTLY what my problem was. Of course, they don't always understand these problems... that's when the shit REALLY hits the fan.

I'll end here. It's been an emotional 24 hours for me. Very fucking emotional. But i'd definitely like to thank Paula from Music Zone, a fellow xmas temp who before today i'd barely spoken to, but who at the end of the day I garbled a whispered, "Thank you so much." to, after she dispensed words of advice to me on a level only the Skippybird has been able to reach in previous times. And any girl who can find the bad points in her own kind has GOT to be great in my book. :)