Prepare yourselves for ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEE long ass blog...

Back in September of 2002, I met a lady in university. She became my very best friend in there. We went to the Krazy House a few times, had a fantastic laugh, and we formed a little silly clique between us called 'The Bitches'. She was fantastic. Then, she decided to start going out with a guy who I knew from my past. Who I thought was a dickhead. And I told her this. And although she took what i said into consideration, she said she still wanted to give it a try. I told her it'd be a huge mistake, but she still went and got with him. I haven't spoken to her since, because she told her new fella what i'd said, he flipped, and told her to never speak to me again. 4 months later and he dumped her because he'd got bored of her. She was devestated. She'd made the mistake I warned her about. And yet she still won't talk to me because she thinks i'd tell her the legendary 'I told you so'. I still respect her, but the fact she took his word over mine, it kinda hurt. Especially as what i told her ended up happening.

A month ago, my best friend in the world (A) started going out with person B, who i'd later find out to be quite the prick. Person A never told me this till 2 weeks ago, and it blew me away, especially when B started getting personal with me, just because I was A's best friend. I have since told A that while they're with the waste of space otherwise known as B, that I don't want to hear from them ever again. As long as they're with B, they're insulting me, especially after B threatened me quite strongly. A has told at least one person that they think what they did to me was really bad, and yet they're still with B. A themself told me that they felt really bad about everything that happened. Still they're with B. I told A that they had made the BIGGEST mistake of their life by sacrificing our friendship for the wannabe relationship that I see their thing with B as being. They're still together at the moment, but I really can't see it lasting. Not with B being the person they are. (PS: As you can tell, there's more to this one than i've told but it's quite a personal stage in my life so what i've told is enough)

Only this week, another very good friend of mine has told me she wants to get with this guy. i don't know the guy, and I never will, but she seems intent on getting with him. I told her it couldn't happen because of the distance, but she said that she would end up learning from her mistakes...

Which leads me onto this. Why the fuck don't people listen to me? I think that i'm going to give up worrying about others relationships, because quite simply no-one ever fucking listens to me, and yet when it backfires for them, makes our friendship sour, etc, I always ends up losing out. Just because I care for someone, love someone, respect someone, etc, so much as that i'm afraid they're going with the wrong guy, or that they're willing to drop me as a friend for someone who quite simply couldn't offer these friends of mine the respect and love i afford them, and enjoy affording them. So far i've lost 2 extremely important people because they decided what they had on offer was better than what I had with them. What makes people do this, best friends most of all? Why would a best friend sacrifice an immortal seeming friendship for some rusty ol' relationship? I have tried to find the answer to this question, yet I don't think i'm going to reach it. i find myself always losing people who are most important to me, because they've had a split second change of character, which has led to something which has affected my friendships with them for the rest of our lives. I'm never going to understand people who are like that. And i've now given up on them, especially after this most recent person started going all awkward against me just because I disagreed with their idea of happiness.

I don't profess to be an agony aunt or uncle. I don't see myself as being this relationship expert, fuck knows i've had enough bad luck in the past to know they don't seem to work with me. But I DO see myself as being a good judge of characters and circumstance. And when i tell someone what i think, i'm not doing it for MY sake, but for OUR sake. If someone means something to me, whether they be a lover or a friend, male or female, I will do anything it takes to protect them both physically and mentally. I'm not an asshole, and I certainly ain't a creep. And I most definitely ain't selfish. I just want the time I have on this world to be happy and healthy, and with my friends around me I can do that, not just for me, but for them also. I'm 20 years into my life. That's probably about a 3rd i've done so far in my lifespan. Only another 2 3rds to go and yet i've got fuck all to show for it. I'm losing the most important people in my life because they let themselves get disillusioned, even if only for a split second, but that split second can do more in your life than you could ever begin to realise.

All i'm trying to say is, if someone tells you they have a problem with a decision you're contemplating making, PLEASE take them into consideration. If you find that you think they're doing it for their sake only, then tell them to fuck off, because they're not worth your time. However, if this person makes it abundantly clear that they're telling you their problem for BOTH your sakes, then listen to their reasons for their concern. Friendships will ALWAYS be more important than relationships. I've learnt this. if you can't learn it, you'll lose all that's important to you. You may have the guy/gal of your life, but if you haven't got the friends of your life, you're gonna find your time feeling lonely. You might not see this at first, but you will do eventually. We all do.

It felt good to say all that, and i'm REALLY glad I did. to the three friends who i've lost / could lose that I mentioned above, if you read this blog, please don't take offence to what i've posted, but just acknowledge that I don't hate you, never did, and never will. All 3 of you mean the world to me, and losing the first two has made me realise just how important friendships are. Even if we never talk again, i'll love you for the rest of my life, but please realise that all I ever said before we stopped talking was said only because I was looking out for you. if I told you that you were making the mistake of your life, it's because I genuinely meant it. if i told you I thought you were kidding yourself, it's because I really thought you were. Please think about what you're doing, who you've hurt, and who you might hurt in the future with the choices you've made and will make.

Finally, a song which I feel is extremely suitable for a blog like this... or at least for the second person that I lost, as mentioned above.

(PS: Don't worry, i'm not all suicidal or anything, just felt the urge to write this up. It's been on my mind a little lately. Sorry if I depressed anyone.)

Be There

I KNOW YOU SAY I'M A CRAZY MIXED-UP LUNATIC.
BUT THAT'S OKAY 'COS I LOVE YOU IN A CRAZY WAY.
THE CHANCES ARE I'M NOT THE BOY YOU FANTASISED ABOUT
BUT GIVE ME A CHANCE,
YOU NEVER KNOW
I MIGHT BRAINWASH YOU.

CHANCES ARE YOU'RE SEEING SOME OTHER FREAK TONIGHT
AND HOPE THAT MAYBE THIS TIME HE'S MISTER RIGHT.
BUT IF HE TURNS OUT WRONG YOU KNOW THAT I'LL BE THERE.
I MAY BE SECOND BEST, BUT LIFE IS NEVER FAIR.

I WANNA BE THERE WITH YOU.
I WANNA BE THERE WITH YOU.
I WANNA BE THERE WITH YOU.
IN MY OWN CRAZY MIXED-UP LITTLE WAY.

I PROMISE TO TAKE MY MEDICATION EVERY DAY.
JUST GET RID OF "MISTER NINE-TO-FIVE" OR THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY.
I'LL PROMISE NOT TO BARK AT THE MOON IN YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD.
I'LL EVEN WEAR MY STRAITJACKET,
IT'LL BE NO GOOD.

I KNOW BY NOW YOU PROBABLY EVEN HATE MY GUTS.
BUT JUST DON'T TELL ME IT'S BECAUSE YOU THINK I'M NUTS.
AND IF YOU CHOOSE A NORMAL BOY,
HE'D BETTER BE AWARE:
I MAY BE SECOND BEST, BUT LIFE IS NEVER FAIR.

I WANNA BE THERE WITH YOU.
I WANNA BE THERE WITH YOU.
I WANNA BE THERE WITH YOU.
IN MY OWN CRAZY MIXED-UP LITTLE WAY.

I WANNA BE THERE WITH YOU.
I WANNA BE THERE WITH YOU.
I WANNA BE THERE WITH YOU.
IN MY OWN CRAZY MIXED-UP LITTLE WAY.

I WANNA BE THERE WITH YOU.
I WANNA BE THERE WITH YOU.
I WANNA BE THERE WITH YOU.
IN MY OWN CRAZY MIXED-UP
MY OWN CRAZY MIXED-UP
MY OWN CRAZY MIXED-UP
MY OWN CRAZY MIXED-UP LITTLE WAY.
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