I couldn't believe it, but Sarah showed up on MSN for the first time in months tonight. We spoke for a little, despite the fact that I had told her I didn't want to hear from her at all. She then signed off, so I called her. I went against my own wishes and called her. We then must have spoke for about 2 hours and it wasn't pretty. She has now told me that one of the main reasons we split up was because 'Wayne' came on the scene. Wayne was a guy she kissed just a week before she split up with me. I told her tonight that I thought if that was the one main reason why she split up with me, that I was thought it was extremely fucking shallow. And yet she repeatedly kept palming me off with 'But people change'. This has been the one consistent phrase from her mouth these past few months, and it's one that I don't believe.

People don't just change. She can't explain why her feelings toward me changed. If Wayne is the only reason why her feelings changed then I am sickened to the core. What me and Sarah had was perfect. She'd now tell me, "In your mind it was." Yet she can't tell me why it wasn't. Just that her feelings changed. Do you see the problem I have with her? Do you see why I am so hungover on Sarah? I cannot get one simple straight reason out of that beautiful person's mouth for why she went off me, besides the fact that Wayne came along. She's convinced herself that he's 'different'. What the fuck's 'different'? Our Lee's different, my mate Blakely's different, Eddie-fucking-Izzard is different. But apparently Wayne makes her happy. Now what the hell does that say about my effect on her during our relationship? I have never felt as useless as I do now. Sarah has hurt me in a way that no single other person ever has, and she still can't seem to understand why I can' get over her. Fucking hell, it'll probably end up where it'll take me longer to get over her than how long we were even together.

She's missed out on what could have been the perfect relationship. I'm not painting myself as some perfect romeo. Nobody's perfect and I certainly ain't. But I know that I could offer her more than any other guy ever could. I know that no other person on this planet could love that girl as much as I did and still do. But tonight she shocked me. I had never heard her go into as much detail about her splitting up with me and why as she did tonight, and some of the reason's, especially the Wayne one, plain tore me apart. Me and Sarah were absolutely brilliant together. Everyone I know could tell you we looked the perfect couple. Fuck, I have Camcorder films showing how happy we were! I never once hurt her, physically or emotionally, and yet she told me tonight that Wayne came along and offered her something new. If anyone can explain that, PLEASE e-mail me. My address is:

auto2112@hotmail.com

I am very serious. If anyone can read what i've wrote above and give me a simple genuine reason as to why she was justified in splitting up with me, it might at least make more sense than her telling me she doesn't know why she went off with me, with only Wayne being her only reason.

I'm sorry if this update seemed extremely harsh and unforgiving, but I can't forgive Sarah for what she's done to me. She taught me how to truly love someone... and then dashed it as quickly as it came to me. I don't hate her, but I don't know if I can ever bring myself to speak to her or see her again.



I'll always love you Sarah.

I just wish it could have been you saying that to me.