I know before Sunday's blog that I had posted a few blogs about me not being happy where I am, in more ways than one. I thought now that I was in a sensible enough state to discuss the issue, I would. So here goes.

This isn't one of those 'Ooooh, let's all get fucking independent and move away, cos we'll be so really bastardy adultish then won't we???'. Trust me, i'm sickeningly undomesticated. I ain't got a clue how to use a washing machine, i usually only settle for food which has microwave written on its box and if you'd have asked me a year ago if you could have acup of tea, i'd have shown you where the kettle was cos I didn't have a clue how to go about making a brew (I do now. ;) ). In otherwords, i don't want to move away because it's all hip and cool to have your own place. I couldn't give a shit about having my own place.

The thing that's propelled me to make this decision is just, I feel like my life has pretty much bellyflopped, big time. I lost my job, then 5 days later lost my girl (How many times must I remind you all... :P ) I could have lost my mum, and I have pretty much lost any facet of happiness I had earlier this year. I get the impression that there's this supernatural force quite simply telling me to fuck off. And as soon as University's finished, I think I will. I know for a fact i'm going to hurt some people when the time comes, and I don't know what i'm going to be able to say to them, but this is something I feel i've got to do. I can't fester in England for the rest of my life. I was given this opportunity to live, and i'm going to make the most of it. I've already spent nearly 20 years on this planet and what do I have to show for it? A list of grades i've picked up from school, experience from two failed relationships, and 3 years retail experience. it's took me 20 years to do that. It's an embarrassingly poor list of achievements, but even just placing 'I moved to the USA' is a hell of an update if you ask me. And why the USA?

Why not? It's a fucking dreamworld. Anyone who's been to the US will definitely tell you just how amazing the place is. And with the screen course i'm doing in Uni, it seems to go hand in hand; if I get a degree in screen studies, which basically tells people I have a fairly handsome knowledge of cinematography, the history of cinema, and the production process that go into the creation of anything screen-wise, then why leave it here in england when I could go for the big bucks over the Atlantic? Sure, I know i won't get over there and get my dream job instantly, it'd be extremely ridiculous of me to think like that. But it's a start if i get over there at all.

There's not much holding me back from going to the US when University finally ends. There's only one thing that could keep me in the UK. And only one person who knows what it would take to keep me here. But what it takes is likely not going to happen. And I can't get everything I want, so i've got to accept that there won't be a whole lot to keep me in England. There'll be my friends, family, and a huge, HUGE bank of memories, both bad and good. I'll hate to leave it behind, but we all have to move on. We can't let other people's desires choose our paths for us. I'll choose mine, and when the time comes, i'll sadly, but maybe also gladly, wave goodbye to liverpool. Once and for all.