Here I am talking about another Krazy House night. i thought nothing could compare to last Saturday... holy shit was I wrong. First, a little background...

Our Thorougoods crew... oh, Thorougoods is the shop i work at. Anyway, me, Lee, Blakely, Dave Gray, Anneka, and Phil are the Thorougoods lot. We go out every Saturday (well, as often as we can) and represent our lovely little smackhead ridden shop in as best a way we can. And last night, a legend was born...

Now, everyone knows about mine, phil's, and Dave G's vodka antics last week, and boy did they lead to an unreal night which I thought could never be topped. Still, i'm one who has to learn that ANYTHING can be topped. And it just takes that bloody vodka.

The actual night in the KH went pretty swimmingly, and like last Saturday, I don't really remember anything from in there. I remember getting there, and the half hour after that, but after that it's kinda hazy, with only vague recollections from different times of the night coming to mind.

The end of the night is where our tale begins, outside the KH at 3am. Again, it was a little hazy, but the shit first hit the fan when our Lee decided to kick a scallies car as it was driving past. Funny, but silly I guess. the car stopped, and out came a very tall little shit-head scally. Our Lee stood his ground, while the scally asked what the fuck he was doing. I'll admit, Lee was fucking brave, he was tiny compared to the gobshite, but he still stood up for himself. In the end, I had to pull Lee away, and make sure a fight didn't break out (tho realistically, the scally would have been pwnd by the might of the KH army). However, soon as that car began pulling away, we all started jeering, screaming and shouting at the bastards. Back-stabbing. :D Great.

We decided a trip to the Newroz (Goes on knee and bows head) was in order, so off we went. We ordered our food, sat inside, and here's when lee's next tirade began. He was shouting in the chippy, mouthing off, swearing away to his heart's content. at everything he could, and about anything. Me Blakely, Anneka, and Dave agreed he oughta be quiet... as did the taxi driver waiting for his food, who Lee got into a slanging match with. I can't remember exactly what was said, but I remember the taxi driver telling Lee to cut the swearing, and to be quiet. So Lee gave him back exactly what he didn't want. Even i threw in a bit of a, "What the fuck, you don't even know what we're talking about!!!" The taxi driver ended up walking out. With Lee standing there just watching the guy leave, hands in pockets. Immediately, the owner of the chippy (Who we've become very pally with in recent months) told Lee to get out.

Lee: Why???

Owner: Because you're swearing, shouting, causing a disturbance...

(We hide our faces so as not to let Lee see we're pissing ourselves laughing)

Lee: I'm not being that bad, i'm not even shouting at anyone in particular!!! Fuck!!!

(Lee walks out)

We finished our burgers, and went outside to greet him with mixed reactions. I wanted to throw the rest of my burger at him just for the shit he'd gotten himself into... so far. Note-worthy, the taxi driver was stood outside his taxi eating and talking to some guy. This is important.

So, Becky (Anneka and Dave G's sister) pulls up across the road from the Newroz. She offered to pick Anneka up, and whoever else needed a lift. There were 6 of us. Hmmm. I said it couldn't be done. 6 yeah, but 7 is suicide. So what did I do? I offered to get in the boot. Now yeah, that's stupid, but what the fuck, I was drunk, VERY, and tired too, so a lie-down, albeit in a sickeningly small space, was quite sought after. So I jumped in, and had the door shut on me. Also noteworthy here, is the fact this was one of those boots that have one of those detachable covers on them, in case you have something big you need to put in.

We begin to pull away. I was alone, with only the constant murmuring from my fellow passengers, and the sexual sounds of Pink Floyd emanating from the car stereo. I squirmed around in pitch-black trying to get comfy in there, and failed with every attempt. After about 5 minutes of this, the car stopped.

Lee (From the backseat speaking quietly): Carl, don't say a fucking word and keep quiet.

Me: ...

By this time, I was very confused. What the fuck had happened? Why had we stopped?? Why the hell were there car doors being opened only 5 minutes after leaving town??? I sat there, looking through the tiniest slit between the cover and the boot window, but all I could see was a blank sky. I could hear some muffling, and then someone saying, "She's crying." Again, confusion settled even further, and I began to breathe a little heavier. That's when I noticed something move in my little visual slit.

A policewoman.

NOW... you can imagine how fucking panicky I was. I ealised we had too many in the car, with 6, but that's what the police thought. If they were going to open the back and see me smiling away in my darkness, the shit would have hit the obligatory fan. I lay in silence, panicking, wondering what the fuck would happen.

Blakely or Phil: Dave, stop chatting her up will ya!!!

Dave Gray had took it upon himself to chat up the policewoman who had stopped us not only for having '6' in the car, but also for Becky riding with no lights on. All of a sudden, I heard someone tapping on the top of the cover. I thought, "What the fuck??? Who's tapping this while there's police standing right outside???" I then heard Phil tell me to stay quiet, to which i thought, "Fuck, i've done ok so far haven't I???" so i'm assuming it was him doing the tapping. Anyway, more minutes passed, and I heard some car doors slamming. All went quiet.

Becky: Just stay down for another minute or two.

The car began to pull away. And I was still wondering what the fuck was happening. We stopped again.

Anneka: Think we should let him out now?

Becky: ...yeah, go on.

I waited a few secs, then the boot door opened and I was blinded, and truly oblivious to where we were.

Me: ...WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED???

Anneka: Er, we were pulled over by police???

Well, of course we were, but I didn't know why. i assumed it was the 6 people, but apparently, as mentioned above, Becky hadn't put her lights on, and was driving invisibly, so to speak. I sat in the front, and turned round to see Blakely and Anneka alone in the back.

Me: Did they have to get a taxi?

They did. I sat in the front all the way home, pondering how fucking lucky I was. I don't think the police would have checked the boot, cos from the outside, it looks super tiny. Dave Gray today asked how the fuck I managed to fit in there, being the fat bastard I am. Well i did, and it lead to one of the narrowest escapes that not I have had, but also the rest of my Thorougoods faithful. It's one of those nights that will go down in local legend, only to be appreciated fully by those who were there for the fiasco. For those of you who weren't there, it DID happen. And although it may not seem as amazing as I might make it out to be, you really have to be in that kind of position yourself to truly appreciate just how nerve-wracking it can be. Had they realised I was in the boot...

All we've done today, is laugh about how lucky we were, how 'good' I apparently was being so quiet and still (What did everyone expect me to??? Jump out while the police were there and sing 'Magic Dance'???), and how it was one of THE greatest nights out ever... and boy was I glad I was a part of it. :D

PS: To Laura in Sheffield, I too don't know how I manage to get into these situations!!! :P