Goodbye Sober Day

Ain't this a surprise??? Don't get too excited, I'm just posting to sat that i'll be deleting everything off this blog in the next week or so. I only post now, cos' a friend of mine said she wanted some of the links i'd posted, so I told her to get them while they're there.

The blog WILL be coming back after all, but not in the next month, or maybe the month after... but soon as I feel like it, it'll be back. Until then, the page will be blank for the most time.

Clicking 'New Post' to update this here blog of mine, kinda bugged me. It should have read 'Final Post'. 'Last Post' maybe? Anything with a bit of closure attached would have been nice, but hey, guess i'll have to just end it in my own usual spectacular way! This is my last ever update for the Auto2112 blog.

I could come up with a million and one reasons for why i'm ending this, but spewing them up won't change the fact that i'm doing this. I wouldn't say I no longer have the patience for it, because I sometimes feel like I have all the time in the world. Maybe I just don't feel it anymore. It's had its ups and downs, its smiles and cries, but most of all, it showed people a side to me that maybe they didn't get to see in person. It's kinda sad for me to admit that my nicest and most honest side comes in the form of some lines of text. Otherwise i'm just your everyday average guy who likes to get a rise out of people because it fills him to see people happy.

To those of you in Universities far and wide, to those in countries on the other side of the blue divide, and to all who ever did read this blog, my apologies for ending this so abruptly. But if i'd have told anyone I was doing this, you know you'd have tried to talk me out of it! :)

With that, i end on the words of Mr. Bungle, and a small thank you to all who did visit this bare but emotional page. Only wish I could have ended it more glamourously... au revoirski. :)

While I'm dulled by excess
And a cynic at best
My art imitates crime

PS: I don't know if this blog will close after a certain period of inactivity, but if it doesn't, i'll keep it open for good. Always nice to have a reminder of what I once was like.

Seems I can rely on Kristine, even when I least expect it. :) Thank you my dear, you're a true friend.

What a day! Coming off finishing The Da Vinci Code and going on to watch Almost Famous, both for the first time, i'm in a seemingly major philosophical mood. Which sadly could, and probably will, go to waste, but still, least I embraced it while it was here! :) Either way, if you haven't read it, read it. If you haven't seen it, see it. I know most of you hear me say the word 'read' and immediately think of The Mirror, or maybe the horoscopes in the latest Cosmopolitan, but really, there's a whole world out there full to the brim of... another world. Let it suck you in, and you're basically fucked, but it's a good fucked. A 'fucked' that you WANT to take over you. You'll be surprised how good the written word can feel after reading some of it, and it does actually reach further out than just the recesses of your local sweet-shop magazine rack.

As for the film, there's more to life than blockbusters and mainstream Hollywood. Don't get me wrong, I love the occasional action flick (tho come on, they're fucking awful today), and i'm a sucker for Pixar films, but again, delve deeper. Go browse the Internet Movie Database, and find films you like then you know what you do? You click the link that tells you it can recommend you other movies like it. In fact, fuck it, go browse it's top 250 list. Fuck the Lord of the Rings trilogy, as well as the expected mush like The Godfather, Star Wars, Fight Club, Kill Bill Vol:2 (Vol.1 was good, 2? Fucking hell...), even the likes of Amelie (there are COUNTLESS better French films out there than this), and give Rain Man, Stand By Me, The Breakfast Club, Magnolia, fuck, even Groundhog Day a look. Sit back, flick open a bottle of water (the ones with the caps of course), open up your bacon rashers (excellent movie delicacy), and be enveloped in a narrative which doesn't need violence, special effects, or the obligatory twist ( I blame M. Night Shyamalan, that guy made those things too cool for their own good), but which relies on simple story-telling. In a manner which makes you sit up from your previously sat back position, and almost nod in agreement to the seemingly hidden message that's being thrown at you.

I'm preaching. I know it. But it's nice to point people in a direction which MAY, not definitely, but may bring them happiness. I'm no fucking messiah, i've done enough stupid fucked up things to know if I believed in heaven and hell i'd be debating with myself which direction i'd be heading. But there's no harm in trying to open a person's eyes. it doesn't happen often to me, but when it does? Oh boy! :D

Well, I DID expect at least ONE comment about the links I posted in the last update nearly two weeks ago, but alas, not a single fucking one. I know there were people out there who checked them out tho! Bah to ya's. I actually wasn't gonna post a single thing till there was one comment posted but Kate just told me she's getting shipped off to the Navy next month and I felt the need to vent my unhappiness at losing a true friend next month.

She means a lot to me. I often think she doesn't realise that, but then most of my mates are like that so it shouldn't surprise me. Maybe she does, but just shields it so as not to reveal an emotional side. Either way, she means enough to me for me to post a blog stating I wish she weren't going! :P But if it furthers her life, as well as make her happy, i'd hope NOBODY tried to stop her. It's not often we get these kind of opportunities, especially ones that can change your life forever, so good luck to her, and I hope she finds herself a strapping sailor.

Blakely and Andy's band Thumper played again last night. Sounded a quiet gig (I was in work!!!) but i'm sure they were happy with the furthered experience. My bro Lee told me about the ensuing night out which followed, in ye ol' Krazy House. Seems when i'm not there that a lot of shit goes down, more than what most people realise. When did people get so fucked up with eachother? Least when I fuck up I try and keep it contained, and not let it outbreak, but others are just happy to witness the carnage and turmoil take over. Fuck that way of life, fuck that mentality, and fuck working on a night when your mate's are out playing a gig. BAH!!! It's times like these i'm glad i'm not the centre of attention (actually, saying that, I hate being the centre of attention anytime unless it's in the middle of an orgy with 3 strapping ladies and i'm the only guy.)

So, there you have it. Oh wait, Sarah e-mailed me yesterday (my ex), and it was a pleasant one. Moreso than I expected, but some people just surprise you. Anyways, if you know me, you'll know how hard it was after me and her split up, so it's appreciated that we can seemingly put our differences aside and e-mail eachother like this. I say seemingly, cos' ya know how easy it is to put a foot wrong with someone you've had a tricky past with. :)

So, that's really it now. Even if I remember something now, i'm not posting about it. So fuck ya's. But again, I can't stress how good those links were; IF YOU HAVEN'T CHECKED THEM OUT, THEN DO SO!!! You could be missing out on something very helpful.

PS: I Purposefully refused to do a joke about 'seamen' while talking about Kate. It's cliched, boring, and too much for even me to swallow.

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I shouldn't be posting at 5am but what can I say? I'm an odd person like that.

Me and Leann who I work with had a discussion a short while ago in our place of employment about how I was a people watcher. It's like a habit, if I see someone who thinks they're in their own little world with no-one to bother them, I just find them fascinating enough to just want to keep watching. Maybe it's because it's most likely that what i'm witnessing is that person at their most honest. That's when you see them as they really are. They're not trying to impress anyone, nor are they acknowledging, greeting, conversing with, angering, anyone in particular. They're just there in a moment of individualness. There's not many opportunities for it, and it's also made a million times better when the person you're watching is someone you know. What are they thinking? ARE they thinking? The fact of the matter is, a motionless person staring into nothingness is addictive shit to watch. You ever wonder why those scenes in films where an actor stares in the camera motionless are unique-feeling, or why you feel uncomfortable because it almost seems like he / she / it is looking right at you? I'd never urge people to go round looking for unsuspecting passer-by's, or friends they want to lose through their weirdness, but just watch next time a friend is having a moment. And just look at them. You might see something that you never noticed before. (Refrained from using Beauty & The Beast reference in that last sentence.) And when you do... :)

An odd blog i'll wager, but it's original at least from all the oblique and ambiguous ones i've been dishing out lately. Talking of odd, I e-mailed my ex, Sarah, the other day. I was lying in bed at the time, feeling a little sick after remembering a past dream (I get nauseous when I remember dreams, weird I know) and something told me I should add her back to my MSN Messenger list, and e-mail her. I didn't know what to say really, but just to e-mail her with anything. Maybe just a mere acknowledgement that I actually knew she was still alive, and dare I say it, actually care that she's still alive. But I did do it, for whatever reason. No reply. :) I expected as much, but hey ho, it made me feel good at the time even if it may have been pointless.

Finally, can't wait to see my ol' friend Kate on Saturday again, who coincidental as it may seem, actually introduced me to Sarah. Kate's been in Sicily for the past month, and despite what she thinks, she means a lot to me and i've missed her loads. The problem with me is that most of my friends take their friendships for granted so don't take much notice of people around them who genuinely respect and care for them. I don't blame Kate for that, I know she appreciates it really, I just think the environment that she and I have been brought up in, socially speaking, has been an almost caged one, with not a lot of scope to really show what you really think. Open your mouth round my lot and you're liable to feel a knife in your back. Always been that way, likely alway will be too.

Just a short message to say that this Sunday will see the next update of links for you lot. It's been 4 months since I posted the best (and worst) of the internet with the help of my friends from the place that doesn't exist. So brace yourselves yet again, for the update which really brings the peeps to my blog. :P

So I went through my first real sober night in the KH tonight, and I gotta tell you, it was a hell of a lot easier than I expected, though it brought to light a shitload of negatives about other people that you wouldn't otherwise see if you were drunk. I'm sure you all know the kinds of things I'm referring to. Maybe only little things, but they're still noticeable enough for you to really pick up on em'. Makes me not want to go out as much anymore and i'm sure that with my newfound tee-totalness i'll probably end up going that way, but it's still kinda distressing. I find i'm learning a lot of bad things about peeps around me, and it's not nice to know them, but i'd rather I did than live oblivious to the facts. You need to see these other sides, otherwise they'll end up turning around to attack you themselves.

Let's ditch this for now, i'm pissing myself off talking about it actually, so there. But yeah, it was actually a good night overall. I didn't like the idea of seeing everyone else around me bladdered at the end of the night while I was stood there sober, but it was nowhere as bad as I expected. And no, I was never tempted once. If I can get the food side of this diet sorted, as well as start the regular exercise... this could work. You never know. I've never been one for diets, always came across as maybe being a waste of good times, but i'm sure up for one now. So let's see if I stick with it and make myself a healthier, leaner, and who knows sexier ( :P ) person? T'would be a nice thing to end up with I guess, and would also be a huge fuck you to the people who doubted me. The looks of surprise tonight when they finally saw I was genuine about this was priceless. Kodak moment so to speak.

Bit of a shout-out to Skippy who I saw for the first time in fucking YONKS tonight. She's always a pleasure to be around, is a fantastically helpful mind to know and ALWAYS comes packaged with a beautiful smile. Great to see ya again chick, and you looked just darling! :P

Not much else to say really. Except i'm fucking starving. Ouch. :( ;)

I can't say that last night was the best New Years ever, I think that honor definitely stays with last year which was just one of those nights where nothing could go right, but nothing went particularly wrong either. Last night on the other hand... it just wasn't there. Hasn't been there for me in maybe a month now tho. :P In my mind, things are just weird right now, but i'll come through them. The only person I can speak to about them to, is Lee. I gotta tell you, if you're unlucky enough not to actually have a brother or sister about your age, you're truly missing out because the fountain of knowledge, respect, and sympathetic help that festers within them is unrivalled.

Was re-reading over my blog from this time last year, and found this little bit of support for my blog:

Anyway moving on swiftly i would like 2 say a big hi 2 my new friend auto (if i can call u a "friend" that is) u are an inspiration and keep that blog updated coz u no how i love to have a good read of it, keeps me occupied for hours it does and also thank you 4 mentioning me in ur blog ( i told u 2 write about me but whatever!).

How nice! I forgot all about Chel's comment but re-read it and it was real nice for me. :) My blog often offends, maybe amuses, but overall hopefully entertains, but it's comments like this that really make it worthwhile. Don't forget, I only bother with this at all because you lot expect it of me! :P

So a new year begins, and with it comes the resolution that i'm going to lose weight, and with that promise to myself, give up drinking to aid the progress. I really hope it works. I'm not doing it for health reasons or to look 'sexy' or anything (I wish), it's simply an attempt by me to be anything but overweight, which I have been for fucking ages. Sadly, anyone I told this to last night simply laughed in my face or told me I was a fucking idiot. These are my best friends too! (Sighs) Still, if anything that's even more incentive for me to do this. I hope it goes through. It'd be nice. :)