I just came from an excellent weekend at Blackpool, and was curious as to why we all act like ginks when we get on a thrill ride? Everytime I went on the Big One, I started screaming with delight, shouting my head off, telling other people who were scared that the ride was gonna crash, and yet I don't often act like this at any other times of my life. It's just a curiosity that befuddles me, especially when I still act like it on my third ride on the thing. I guess that was a rhetorical question, and a shite one at that, but I guess i'm just a rhetorical kinda person really. Oh and if anyone ever considers a night out at Blackpool, visit the Boomerang club!! I'll never forget dancing in that cage with my kecks around my ankles.... :P

Whoever said madness was sick? I find that with a touch of madness, a smile to boot, and a hearty slap on the back can do more for someone than a bunch of flowers which are just gonna die anyway or a box of chocolates of which only two chocolates in the box are actually worth eating. So whenever you see someone upset and you just KNOW they need cheering up, act a prat.

1. They enjoy spontaneity when their last few hours of sadness have dragged on slower than a Scandinavian Cartoon Season on Channel 4.

2. You become a higher draw in their friendship book.

3. It makes them feel good that they aren't the ones who look like a total wenzle-ding.

What's the point of this inane rambling? Cheer up. It'll help not only you, but anyone who needs that kind of visual excitement.

If anyone can tell me how to get this fucker at the bottom of the page, do tell me! :D For now, my counter is HERE... in the MIDDLE of the page... :D









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Someone just gave me the kick up the arse that I need to actually update this thing! It's been like nearly a month so i feel i oughta put fingers to keys again and come up with something again...

I just re-read my last update... it's quite funny to read the other side of me which is the 'pissed as a fart' side. Why does alcohol do that?... and why as a child does Coca-Cola and Wine Gums do that? Or in the mole's case, why does that happen as an adult? Anywho, i think i'll be ditching my 5 'o' clock blogs because it's quite simply a bit embarrassing really.

I was thinking today about dark humour. And thought about the old chestnut of the old lady who, while walking down a street during the winter will invariably slip up on a frosty piece of paving... and will you laugh? You ruddy betcha! :D

And a big shout out to someone who may just give my site the boost it needs... if you can this kaleidoscope of horrors a site. :P http://www.skippybird.blogspot.com/ too it's time out to actually mention my dire attempts. Skippy, I don't know you either, but you're too cool!!! :D

I have just come off a night out, and after kissing one of my best friends, i guess i'm just left to think... why? I certainly don't regret it that's for sure. I enjoyed it more for what happened if anything. Alright, I more or less made the first move, but it's not like I took it serious or anything. Put it this way, to whoever it was who received my affection, I don;t regret it, and I enjoyed every minute of it. If ever the opportunity arises again, I would certainly take it up again. I enjoyed it, didn't take it serious, and it made my night. Unfortunately, I feel she felt I may have beenb going too far, and decided to hold back. Fair dinkum to whatever she believes in, but i was genuinely disappointed whens she eventually began to hold back. I mean, as iof i'm one to say no to such a lovely lady as herself. But anywho, what's done is done, and i Have no regrets. It was a good night after all, and we'll see what happens from here. And a large ahoy hoy goes out to Andy, who finally saw real life. :D

Whoever said stories were shite? Has anyone here ever read 'The Three Billy Goats Gruff'? That's got violence, action, stunts, and typical prejudicial scenario's involved. The fact there's no sex is a bit of a letdown but who wants to see animals having sex under a bridge? At least make it under a table or something.

The point of my opening paragraph? You can take milk from chocolate but you can't take salt from ice cream. Still confused? Never mind then, I have a very creative yet warped mind and so I usually blabber tirades of verbal shitness. Such as what the hell is going on with my life right now? I come off what I THOUGHT was a good relationship, then find out the X has been up to all sorts in the week which followed, and yet i'm the one who looks the arse. What happened there? Did everyone forget to watch 'Frost' or something cos I certainly believe the wrong person has been sentenced to a bad term here. And yet off she goes dancing in the daffodils because she likes to ignore these accusations. Whoever said sexism had been fixed? i find more sexism nowadays against men than against ladies, and yet the women STILL complain that it's them getting the bad end of the deal. At least when they're pregnant they get to take weeks off to have the sprog and STILL get paid in the process.

And there's another thing. What's the male equivalent of pregnancy? I used to think it was a rock turd but then that doesn't provide a lot of pleasure bar the grand opening and the splash back. How about a really smelly fart which has been created after an infusion of curry and mushy peas? Me neither. I personally believe that the male pregnancy has got to have something to do with baldiness. Sure we don't do anything like sexual intercourse to start it, but it rarely happens to woemn does it? Unless of course your name is Ethel, play the Bingo all the time, and like to complain because our future is taking up your precious bus seats. Fuck off Ethel.

And busses too. i have a bus pass that supposedly lets me on any bus at any time on any day. What the fuck happened today when harold the driver decided to ask me to pay instead? Harold, I know you're doing your job, but frig off will ya and let a soft hardworking gobshite on for nothing will ya. I mean these services are shit as it is, waiting an hour for a bus to come then 21 come at the same time. And what's with this non-smoking policy? Everyone still fucking does it. I hate smokers because I have asthma and cough like a little urchin when I feel that poison enter my lungs. I'm gonna stick a bucket on a smokers head one day and see how much the bastards themselves like it. I'll no doubt be laughing like a Clown's pie getting tickled when that happens.

Still confused? Well, now for something completely different... boingzo.

Been a while since I updated and some sausage on toast has just tempted me to put my fingers back to the keys so here goes...

How do you decide what you're going to use in an update? A lot of people would take a look at the news surrounding them... in that case I should take a look at the national crisis which is David Beckham's foot. What in blue blazes is going on with this country? How the hell can a man's foot, regardless of how famous or not he is, become front page news? HE'S A SPORTS STAR for christ's sake!!! A man breaks his foot, and the country comes to a standstill. It seems to me the media is making this out to be bigger than the Queen which I find extraordinary. I mean personally, the Queen Mum's death was nothing to me, I couldn't have given a shit. But it's definitely bigger than some news about a man injuring himself.

What's even worse is when Tony Blair decided to bring it up in the house of commons... i'll repeat myself in another way; OUR GOVERNMENT IS CONCERNED ABOUT THIS FOOT. Seriously. If any yankees read this page, feel free to e-mail me about how shitty a country I live in. When a government puts everything aside for a footballer's foot, that's when you know some serious roconsiderations need to be... considered when the next election comes around. The tories themselves have gotta be pissing themselves.

Seriously though, how low a country have we become? It's no wonder everyone laughs at us when we don't join the Euro, we're horrified by a footballers broken foot, and for some reason some disabled girl called Kirsty is in the paper every week too because she's met another celebrity and is determined to rub it in the faces of every other disabled person out there.

If ya ask me, this country needs to be moved across to the US of A and stitched alongside New York state. Then we'll realise what news is important, especially after the terrible 8 months that that state has had to endure. Footballers broken foot? You telling me that's on the same front page where the September 11th tragedy was 8 months ago? ABSOLUTE BOLLOX.

Relationships are strange things. For millions of reasons. Far too many to recollect. They come as quickly as they go and yet we still burden ourselves with the responsibility of looking out for another human being week in and week out. That's all a relationship is. Think about it, you can't have a relationship and not see your partner in 3 months. That can no longer be known as a relationship. And while you see your other half most days each week, that is no doubt a relationship that's working.

Is that all a relationship is? Keeping up appearances? Sure you can kiss, shag, socialise with others as a couple, visit places together, but I get the impression that without viewing of eachother on a permanent basis, then that's a failure. It's hard to explain, but that's exactly how me and my girl ended up. Didn't see enough of eachother, so split. It's a shame, but it had to come to an end and i'm just glad we split on amicable terms. :)

I think I now have something against them. There's a lot of money to be spent on loved ones, that's just been proven once again with Valentines Day. There's also a lot of dedication involved, maybe too much for me now that i've just finished my first major relationship. Having to visit the other half as often as possible, having to please them when you're feeling shitty about certain things, trying to follow trends of thiers so as not to look like a lagger, it's too much I think.

I'm dribbling on. Quite simply, relationships are for people who believe they have the time and thought for others but themselves. Not my thing. I urge everyone to try it even if doubtful about the other person; get the first time over with, hate / enjoy it then go from there. I was average in mine. Started off great, then the truth started to hit me later on at the end stages. A shame really cos she was brilliant, but hey ho, the show must go on as a brilliant group once said. Enjoy life, consider relationships and enjoy life.