I leave in 7 hours to go down south and stay with Naomi for 3 nights. I'm both eager and scared shitless about it. I really want nothing more than to just try and cheer her up again, even if only by the most miniscule of margins. It's the least I can do for her, but also all I want to do for her. When you love someone as much as I do, you eventually learn to just forget about what you need, and instead concentrate on putting everything into what they need. Right now, she needs happiness. Considering what I have done to her, I owe my life to her to try and find that happiness for her.

I just want to thank the people who have been there for me. There isn't many, but the gang at Music Zone are definitely at the top of my list, and one day I will make absolutely sure that they all realise just how much this past week has meant to me. I have been a wreck in work, at times not being able to cope with trying to put on a happy face for the customers. They have really pulled through for me, at a time when everyone who saw this situation from the outside simply crucified me.

I never asked for sympathy, because when you do what I did to anyone you care for, it's the last thing you deserve. All I wanted was understanding. And the few people who actually braved up to the task to challenge me on this, understood my plight. Yes, they all said I was a dickhead for what I did, and they all have wished me luck in my trip down south and hope dearly that I can resolve my issues with Naomi as they stand.

If Naomi decides this week, or in the future, that we are not to be, I will accept it. I won't be the stereotypical leech, who can't let go of the past, and makes life hell for the ex. I will simply allow her to move on with her life, let her know I would be here for her whenever she needed me, and hope inside that one day she may offer me that second chance. Everyone deserves a second chance. I never say never. If you asked me what I want... I think you already know the answer to that. I want to show her how sorry I am, how much she means to me, and make a start at another go at what we once had. I have had the best times of my life with her; I would be a fool not to embrace another opportunity at that. But my priority here is just to see the love of my life happy again, whether it's me who does that or not doesn't entirely matter; just so long as she returns to being the smiling, funny, bubbly, but most of all, warm-hearted princess that's she famous for. People like Naomi Kelly, you don't see them every day. She's truly one in a million, and I will forever feel honoured that I was able to get as close to her as I have done. Countless people will never know how good she can make you feel. For that I am eternally grateful to her.

I love you always Naomi. x