I'm not after sympathy, so anyone who thinks otherwise needs to rethink. I know I fucked up and I can't change what I did. I have learnt my lesson, and I know deep down inside myself that I could never do this again, to anyone. For their sake and for mine. My pain doesn't compare to Naomi's right now, but I still have a huge depression looming over me from it. And don't even think of telling me, "Well you shouldn't have done it then." That doesn't make you a chat-show presenter with the intelligence of Miriam Stoppard.

I am doing everything I can to win her back. It's the last thing I deserve I know, but I fucked up big time, I know I fucked up, and I have to show this woman that I have learnt from it, but most of all, I love her so much. And to think of the grief and anguish i've caused her tears me up inside, because it's ME. I've just spent the best 17 months of my life, because of her. She's made me a better man. She helped me lose 50 pounds in weight. She helped me on the way to leading a healthier lifestyle. She helped me become a better man all-round and for that I truly love her to bits. I found someone in Naomi who challenged me; who pushed me to better myself at all times, and because of her aura, I did. I never ever gave up.

But on Saturday night I did fuck up. And I failed her in every respect. I don't need anyone, ANYONE to tell me what I did was wrong, because I know it was. I was the one who did it. I was the one who tore her life apart. You might think it's easy for a cheat to live with themselves after what they have done to someone. For some cheats, I guess they can just not give a shit. But for me, this woman was my life. I sacrificed a lot of friendships through my own choice to put in EVERYTHING of my body and soul into building what we wanted together. Naomi was, and still is my life. I will do anything it takes to win her back, and I don't care how long it takes, because she's worth every second, hour, day, week, month, year, and decade of my life. And if it takes a decade to get her back, so be it. I have decades plenty ahead of me. Cheating on her isn't easy to live with. It's the been the worst week of my life because of what i've done to her. The worst because of how much I lied to her thinking I could protect her feelings and try to put this event out of my head in the hope I would never have to break and destroy her world around her. I've committed the worst sin to the one person who I ever truly loved. I have to learn from this, and beg her for a second chance.

There'll be people out there telling her she's insane for considering the idea, but these are the people who don't know me; the ones who hear what i've done and simply label me as another Jerry Springer sleaze; the ones who very rarely ever saw the two of us together, if ever at all; the ones who chose the easy option in just going to her to comfort her, but shit out when it came to telling me that yes, I am an absolute cunt / twat / bastard / prick. The people who HAVE actually got in touch with me in person or on the phone, every single one of them realises how sorry I am for this, but also knows that I can't give up on her. She may have given up on me, she may not have. But either way, I will NEVER give up on her. I have support out there, even if it's little, but it's still there, and when even her parents are behind me to patch this back up, I have to believe there'll always be a chance for it. She's the love of my life and I have to try and win her back.

PS: I'm also happy for the person who said that I should watch out for the bad karma 'on my way out'. I'm currently in the middle of seeing my uncle draw slowly to his death after he tried to hang himself last night, as well as find out that a man who once had the utmost faith in me, is now in hospital on his death-bed, close to death at any minute. So thank you very much, your celebrated karma is doing wonders in helping to kill off any sense of fucking normality that may have been left out there after what i've done. See you at the funeral/s.