I currently have FIVE people messaging me... and my mind is fucked trying to cope with them AND get this updated again for my 6 fans. But I HAVE to update this cos if I don't, there's a lady out there who's gonna kick me in the bollox for I don't update as much as this young lass would like me too. Women hey? Never happy unless you're talking bollox... well at least online anyway.

A strange thing happened to me today. I called my boss a foreign twat-face. And I didn't get sacked. Tho i've called her many naughty things before today. And I also told her I was going to have a wank when i got home and she was mortified. WHY??? Wanking, masturbation, tugging, choking, bashing, and for the ladies, friggin and clicking, these are all everyday activities which SO many people indulge in for many reasons:

1. Self - indulgence with ice cream is greedy, but when it's free like a ham-shank, how can you say no?
2. Orgasms are 8 times more satisfying than a sneeze. And we all know how fucking good a sneeze feels.
3. It's easily deposited down the toilet and so no evidence is left... unless you jet all over your toilet Glade hangy thing and your mum asks why it's gone all soggy.
4. You can dream you're having sex with anyone. That's cool that, especially why it's that gorgeous teacher who is alas a proper arsehole in the class. It'd be so cool to fuck that sexy temptress.
5. It's free!!! Even the straws, salt, sauce, and all the napkins in McDonald's don't make up for a greasy stiff one!

Heed my advice world, for one day masturbation shall be as common an everyday thing as taking the wrapping off cucumber that's been in the fridge, as common as peeling a banana, and as common as watching a garden hose getting punctured. Ahem.